Report 4: Burning, killing, looking for milk
“Ok, it’s about damn time to continue the mainquest. Oh man, here’s the side quest continuation, I might as well do it since I’m around. Oh, I’ve stumbled upon a karaoke. Should I play so- FUCK YEAH I should play some karaoke minigame. I’m gonna beat that high score, you’ll see. Oh, it’s that dodging attacks minigame… is it me being dumb or it’s kinda hard? Oh, right, the mainquest. Oh boy, lost some health in a street brawl, gotta eat something. Oh yeah, you get bonus points for eating all the shit in all of the restaurants, I’ll just eat some dishes here so I’ll have less of a menu to go through next time. Oh, found a card-“
Yakuza 0. 13 hours in. Still on chapter 1. I’ll never finish this fucking game.
I’ve been postponing actually beating this game for a variety of reasons, and now I see I wasn’t completely wrong with my judgement. I could easily describe the whole game as “not as […] as Vice City”. It’s not as fun, not as player-friendly, not as polished, the music is not as good, the characters are not as interesting and entertaining. The “gang hate” aspect is straight-up cancer which ultimately makes your life so much harder if you actually try to 100% it. Oh, but that’s kinda pointless, since you get absolutely nothing. At least you get a lousy T-shirt in Vice City.
I have no idea why Claude’s aim is slightly off crosshair’s target, but it made the shootout sections of the game way harder than they already are.
It is by no means a bad game, but it seems kinda rough around the edges and I love Fernando Marti- I mean, Vice City so much more.
That was a nice timekiller puzzle game - it’s easy to learn, but it gets more complicated with each new level, and that game has a lot of them. In fact, I didn’t even tackle 1/3 of hard mode levels before I completed all of the achievements. I already felt sort of burned out at that moment, so I was satisfied with leaving it there.
The whole game is based around horror movie parody shtick and it’s not exceptionally funny most of the time, but it doesn’t try way too hard with it’s humour anyway.
I wish there was less grinding involved for getting some of the achievements, but I only have myself to blame for trying to get them all, I guess.
It’s a somewhat crappy russian Stanley Parable-like game(sorry, comrades). It is really inconsistent with its themes and tone; it falls flat when it tries to be funny, it’s too predictable and unoriginal with its commentary at times, and it’s too crammed with other things to be all sappy at the end all of a sudden, coming off as downright tone deaf. It had a few interesting moments, but the game is so all over the place and there’s just way too much weird (not in a good way) design choices crammed inside for no good reason at all. The game scenes themselves aren’t inherently bad, it’s the way they are put together is.
My biggest complaint is the maze puzzle, which adds nothing to the game whatsoever and could easily be cut, only making it slightly better.
Steam replay. Puzzle-ish something in the usual satirical spirit of Tomorrow Corporation. The burning mechanic is pretty satisfying. The game is full of weird yet simplistic humour, and that’s exactly the words that can be used to describe the game as a whole. It’s not that long, and I wish devs were commited to the idea of this game not wasting your time (although the game being pointless and time-wasting was the point, but still) and didn’t add that cooldown time when you’re trying to buy the same thing for the second time and made delivery times somewhat shorter. It just drags the overall quick and fun gameplay down.
If you let that slide (or simply won’t try to do any combo burning), it’s cute, funny and heartwarming.