fish on friday and human flesh every other day of the week! cunthulhu’s profile

30 year-old woman with an excess of dogs and a measly Intel 4000 HD gpu. i have over 500 games installed on my external hdd right now; this is ridiculous and something needs to change.

if i have a game marked beaten but the hours or cheevos don't really reflect that, it means i've either finished it on another platform or i played it offline so nothing got to sync. 2k16 and 2k17 were dark years for me. i didn't have reliable internet, and as a result some of my early hog cheevos look rigged. it's horrible, absolutely horrible.

updates are sporadic and cranky AF. i'm more forgiving of wonky mechanics than i am of bad writing. i take an eternity to reply to comments also, so this is me alerting you to my current status as Official Mess, okay? okay!

twitter: @glitzob
timestamps for the cheevos: completionist_me profile
challenge i'm tentatively working on for 2k19: abc challenge

i'm fine with adding people from SG and here-- just don't be a sexist/racist/MAGAhead and let me know in a comment where you found me, then i'll add you back.


November 14th, 2k19

Yakuza Kiwami

Yakuza Kiwami

8/10
48 hours
42 of 55 achievements

whelp, that was certainly A Game!

i don’t advise anyone to play this without playing Yakuza 0 beforehand. if i hadn’t already experienced the context for the relationships and how everything fits together i wouldn’t have given a shit about any of this. granted, this is a remake of an old game, and the next one is supposed to be MUCH better– on par with 0 narrative, or surpasses it if the reviews are to go by– but on its own it’s a very blah experience that i wouldn’t have bothered to finish if not for three things:

  • the aforementioned context from 0
  • the Kiwami-added system of Majima Everywhere. very novel way to train you into the combat system if you just go for it. the combat is much more difficult than in 0, you actually have to learn to evade attacks else you’re not gonna make it far. but after i’d grinded it out on Majima (lol) to SSS rank i was having no issues.
  • the story was relatively short. if this kind of blandness had gone on any longer i would have been sorely tested. as it was, despite things, it did not overstay its welcome which i greatly appreciate.

is this game worth the $20? if you go by the $1 for every hour spent then yes. if you go by exchanging money for an experience, then probably yes but only if you’re already invested. Sunk Cost Fallacy at its finest, folks.

i don’t feel like i wasted my time. the boss fights were a drag, i yelled at Kiryu a lot re: his life choices when i didn’t really feel the need to in the previous game, and if i never have to play a minigame that reuses the assets from the Japanese Catfight Club abomination again it would be appreciated, but my time was not tossed in the trash, it was worth it. only because i played the prequel first! but still, worth it.

now i get to eyeball Kiwami 2! i doubt my computer will run it cos apparently they’re using a new engine for the next remake and on, but if it shows up in a bundle you bet yer ass i’ll be snapping it up and installing it and then bitching to everyone who will listen about how it won’t even run so i won’t get another Majima fix oh woe is me.

October 31st, 2k19

Yakuza 0

Yakuza 0

10/10
121 hours
44 of 55 achievements

my brain is too fried to write a coherent review, so please just know that i loved this game, i will be purchasing Kiwami as soon as i have the $20 USD (or the winter sale hits, whichever is first), and i am bereft that the story is over for now. absolutely amazing in every way.

October 17th, 2k19

it’s October, holy crap!!!!

my computer fried in mid-July and still no replacement. i am gaming on my mother’s comparable rig and am extremely uncomfortable with this set up but at least i can still make my eyeballs bleed for a few hours every night!!

before i get started with this catch-up post just wanna say thank fuuuuck for completionist.me cos it made it very easy for me to figure out what i’ve played and beaten since the travesty that was my motherboard frying and taking the cpu et al with it.

ANYWAY. here are the games i finished and thus can be considered removed from the backlog:

The Testament of Sherlock Holmes

The Testament of Sherlock Holmes

10/10
9.2 hours
32 of 32 achievements

Very solid detective game that is oddly framed with a device of scary-faced children creeping around an attic and reading off of Watson's diaries. Ignore the monstrous children (and the eeeeehhhhh epilogue) and you're left with an excellent narrative puzzle that never takes unfollowable leaps of logic and kept me entertained from start to finish.

also, they clearly modeled Holmes after Mark Strong in this one, it's total hilar.

Rusty Lake Paradise

Rusty Lake Paradise

5/10
3.6 hours
50 of 50 achievements

neutral rating cos i don't think i'm the audience for this sort of game. it wasn't creepy at all, just lots of pretending that David Lynch Presents: The Wickerman, a Family Film is an actual thing. i appreciated it when that dude got stuck in a loop of vomiting frogs down his own damn front and into his trousers until you stop the horror with a belt, but that was about it.

Bioshock Infinite

Bioshock Infinite

9/10
19.4 hours
36 of 80 achievements

finally got around to this one despite owning it for years. i beat the main storyline but not the DLC content yet, but i'll get to it, i'll get to it.

spoilers follow

this game was fantastic, but i'm knocking off a point for having the Slave who is leading the rebellion in Colombia scalp people and nail the leavings on a notice board. i realize he needed to make the Revolutionaries attack Booker and Elizabeth, but they were already stuck in an alternate reality where they had the guns, just keep going with the "you're a fake Booker and so we're going to kill you" thing without having to both sides this crap. Levine already appropriated Wounded Knee for his plot purposes, he doesn't need to keep on keepin' on with something that white men encouraged the practice of in the recent history of that time frame. pretty shitty to hold that kind of brutality up as a stereotype of people going full on "uncivilized" evil upon being given a smidge of power when the Bookers in the world paid cash money to keep it going.

i sort of had a sour taste in my mouth for the rest of the game because of that one atmospheric set piece, was having a grand old time up to then. i'll replay it in 1999 mode at some point, and hopefully will be able to ignore it better, but for now i'm just ugh. feel gross.

Cosmic Star Heroine

Cosmic Star Heroine

10/10
17.9 hours
32 of 33 achievements

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD GAME. doesn't overstay its welcome, keeps a delicate mix of action and side quests to flesh out the story without sacrificing pacing, and you auto-heal at the end of every battle so there's no frantic resource juggling that can bog down games like these all in the name of "difficulty." A+, do recommend to infinity.

Endless Fables 3: Dark Moor

Endless Fables 3: Dark Moor

7/10
2.5 hours
31 of 31 achievements

ahahahaha. well, i was hankerin' for a HOG, and Playing Appreciated delivered!

there's this scene near the start where the MC tells a barkeep that her niece is captured by a creature in this vicious estate known for killing everyone around it, so of course he takes the opportunity to lament his missing cat Whiskers and then keep cleaning his glasses. i don't even know, man. whoever wrote this doesn't know how to write actual character reactions i guess.

other than that laughable misfire it's a pretty decent HOG for your time. some of the art is very pretty to look at, and none of the puzzles are terribly difficult. a couple of them i managed to complete so quickly i literally said "wait, that's it?" while the animation spun. so yeah, deffo worth it, just don't expect to be astounded.

and here are the games that i have put decent time into but haven’t beaten yet!

FINAL FANTASY XIII

FINAL FANTASY XIII

7/10
59.1 hours
13 of 35 achievements

i need to get over myself and finally finish this game. my issues with it are pretty dumb, and really say more about me than they do about the game itself.

1) the voice of Lightening is the same as Liara in Mass Effect, and i really never liked Liara. she simpers, and i hate listening to simpering. Lightening doesn't simper, she's actually a decent character, but just the sound of the voice actress sets me off.
2) Snow needs a good punch in the mouth, he's annoying and pushy and while i don't wish his death i certainly don't want to be around during his life either. so one of the strongest fighters stays out of my rotation just because i don't like him, hurrah.
3) while i normally enjoy grinding in JRPGs, the grinding in this one just got to me, eventually. probably because the main character's voice gets my hackles up. oh well.

like i said, the reasoning is stupid. the game is fine, and i should at least give a good go at finishing it. i just haven't yet :/

Avadon: The Black Fortress

Avadon: The Black Fortress

6/10
25.7 hours
5 of 30 achievements

two reasons this is partially abandoned on my part:

1: this is the game i was trying to play on my mother's loaned Netbook so i could write and play super low-end games until i get a replacement computer. unfortunately that netbook is from 2010 and my mother wasn't very good to it, so the damn thing memleaks until it crashes regardless of whatever program i run. thusly, i didn't get very far with the machine i chose to play it on.
and 2: the game is tedious.

i hate using the word "tedious" for something made by Spiderweb Software, but i can't figure out anything else to say about it. there's no spark like in the Avernum series. you play a sell-out joining up with the Fascist Dictator playing genocidal maniac with the world. i mean, you get a choice to kill him and take his place apparently, but why even bother to pretend in the meantime? it just doesn't work for me, so i'm not terribly invested in finally finishing it.

Tales of Zestiria

Tales of Zestiria

6/10
38.1 hours
10 of 56 achievements

i REALLY wanted to play this one cos a project lead or the head designer or whoever said that Sorey and Mikleo love each other romantically, and hey, i am all about supporting my fellow queers in gameland, but ldkjfslkfjsldkfjslkdfjsldkfjlsdk no. nooooooo.

this game features a battle system that is little more than controlled chaos until 20 hours in when you finally figure out a slight bit of strategy to turn it into controlled chaos that leans in your favor; a lot of preachy dialogue about man's inhumanity to man featuring MALEVOLENCE and such; and the fucking stuck-up asshole Zavied is back to make me grind my teeth down to powder.

i was spoiled by Berseria. i miss the cannibal demon girl who did not go quietly into that horrible night, she raged and raged and raged and ate some demons and then raged some more. with Zesteria we just got a lot of monologue about how people will always submit to their base evils and shit up the world. honestly, the funniest ("""""funniest"""""") thing about Zesteria is that for all that lecturing about evil, evil humans, they never address the absolute noncon that is Dezel taking over Rose's body when she's asleep without her consent for years and, i am not joking here, "creating a perfect vessel for seraphim".

that part make me shriek in rage, and just thinking about it makes my blood boil. holy SHIT. just hOLY SHIT.

anyway, play Berseria. only bother with this one if you're a completionist with masochistic tendencies.

Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

9/10
78.8 hours
29 of 59 achievements

i got all 100 From A Different Sky quests completed and just needed a freaking break. you know how hard it was to get some of those bastards?? i had to make my character learn magic. she's a freaking rogue-type class with daggers, but nooooo, gotta levitate cos the double vault will never ever catch that one particular ledge. pfnah. magic. MAGIC.

it's a very good game and if you like action-y RPGs that feel slightly off cos it's clearly made by a Japanese crew who got all their fantasy tropes from cult classic 80s films like Ladyhawke and Krull then you'll adore it, but you gotta take a break every now and again. too many times falling off cliffs and dying, too few wakestone shards.

The Last Remnant

The Last Remnant

4/10
6.70 hours
no achievements

fuck this battle system in the ear and DIE. die die DIEEEEEEE.

Yakuza 0

Yakuza 0

10/10
33.7 hours
14 of 55 achievements

this is the one i'm currently playing. it's got violence, dancing, and a karaoke minigame that i suck at so i lost 10% of my real estate holdings last night and i didn't even mind, i'll just beat the snot out of the dude later and get it all back.

this is my introduction to the series and i think by hour 10 i was wishlisting the other two titles available on Steam. gonna be sad when this one is finished and i'll have to wait for a sale or bundle to get the next. i will miss Majima and his claw machine mastery ways. i will miss Kiryu's wise advice given freely to hesitant femdoms everywhere. i will miss Walking Erection-chan just in general.

i will miss them all.

June 9th, 2k19

okay, finally finished some GAMEZ, hallelujah on rye.

Finding Paradise

Finding Paradise

5/10
4.3 hours
1 of 1 achievements

we have to go…… deeper.

Inception was a good movie, and all the meaty interesting bits were brutally ripped out and presumably shot dead out back in an alley to make way for the plot of this game. only way i got through this was making the BWAAAAAAAH noise at every Shyamalan-like "tweest" and then cackling for a bit.

Paratopic

Paratopic

5/10
1.3 hours
20 of 20 achievements

well, they tried.

two playthroughs to get all cheevos, and you have to finish each run totally to get them since they're dished out after the credits have rolled. and there's no save! yer gonna sit through almost 50 minutes of a few grad students trying to imitate David Lynch in game form and yer gonna do it now!

got some distinct "this is my portfolio so plz hire me" vibes from the whole affair. i mean, it's fine? but i didn't give a shit about any of it, and the only thing that piqued my interest was the tv-head cop thing near the end. that thing was sweeeeeet. and now that i'm thinking about it, was that ripped from SAGA?? oh my gawd! it totally was! they put the Prince Robot dude in this game!! what the hell?!

The Park

The Park

6/10
1.6 hours
14 of 14 achievements

address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation

malevolent chipmunk being a creepy child snatcher, how glorious. apparently this is supposed to be a psychological horror game, but for me it was just about chilling in the nice environments and spamming the RMB to see if the MC finally calls her child an entitled little bastard for pulling this inciting event shit. hurrah for walking simulators! hurrah for swan boats that look you in the eye all disapproving-like! hurrah for an overused trope about parental neglect! hurrah, hurrah!!

Minecraft: Story Mode - A Telltale Games Series

Minecraft: Story Mode - A Telltale Games Series

5/10
8.1 hours
30 of 50 achievements

the best developed character in this game was the fucking pig.

i have to go replay a couple chapters to get the cheevos i missed before i can uninstall and that is probably the worst part about this. it's a nondescript telltale game with a forgettable plot and nothing really tangible to the gameplay. the dialogue was supposed to be funny? but it was just annoying. giving this a neutral rating because i'm sure someone out there would find this game a compelling gem, but that person is just not me.

also, i'm kinda peeved that the DLC is off the store now cos this game will never be a 100% for me because of the way they structured it. i didn't actually care if i played the final chapters present in the add-on, only for the stats, but booooooooo for removing them from the store. probably will crop up on the Windows Store in the future, which i refuse to open on my computer because it keeps trying to brute force an install of Candy Crush. Fffff.

i have five puppies to deal with so there’s some inattentive gaming going on while i keep track of the furballs, hence the walking simulators and other titles that don’t require much in the way of thinking. going for anything that has been sitting on my external for a while because i am at 512 installed games right now and some of them need to be uninstalled!! five hundred and fucking twelve! this is a disaster!!

next post will probably include:

  • Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series

    2 hours playtime

    8 of 48 achievements

  • Kairo

    2 hours playtime

    3 of 11 achievements

  • Orwell

    5 hours playtime

    16 of 27 achievements

  • SOMA

    6 hours playtime

    0 of 10 achievements

  • Pixel Puzzles 2: Anime

    8 hours playtime

    18 of 27 achievements

  • Void & Meddler

    3 hours playtime

    3 of 41 achievements

May 23rd, 2k19

oh hey i crapped out on games for a long while! i also fell into a pit of PLAYOFF HOCKEY which means when i would have been playing, i was watching my two teams bumble their way from last seeds in the Western Conference to both being kicked from the second round in their respective game sevens. no pony in the race that is the current Stanley Cup match-up now, but i v much dislike the Blues’ goalie cos he’s a racist and i also dislike the Bruins cos… they’re the Bruins, so. guess no more hockey for me until October!

have not finished any games since last update other than HOGs that technically belong to my mother but i finished through shared library. those do not count, so here are the games i’ve been putting time into and hopefully will finish before i expire and my body crumbles into dust!

  • Anima Gate of Memories

    5 hours playtime

    3 of 25 achievements

  • Anna's Quest

    2 hours playtime

    10 of 39 achievements

  • Sid Meier's Civilization: Beyond Earth

    35 hours playtime

    54 of 90 achievements

  • Broken Sword 1 - Shadow of the Templars: Director's Cut

    3 hours playtime

    no achievements

  • Cards of Cthulhu

    8 hours playtime

    26 of 29 achievements

  • Sid Meier's Civilization V

    9 hours playtime

    36 of 286 achievements

  • Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor

    8 hours playtime

    6 of 44 achievements

  • Final Fantasy VII

    93 hours playtime

    26 of 36 achievements

  • Keepsake

    3 hours playtime

    5 of 14 achievements

  • Minecraft: Story Mode - A Telltale Games Series

    8 hours playtime

    30 of 50 achievements

  • Resident Evil 5

    8 hours playtime

    2 of 70 achievements

  • Saints Row: The Third

    70 hours playtime

    75 of 83 achievements

  • The Spiral Scouts

    3 hours playtime

    7 of 32 achievements

  • The Typing of The Dead: Overkill

    3 hours playtime

    2 of 33 achievements

  • The Witcher: Enhanced Edition

    9 hours playtime

    no achievements

(eyes roll into black; black tar dribbles from corner of mouth) SO M A N Y

most of these i’m just piling time into for lack of anything better to do, but:

Anima Gate of Memories is a Playing Appreciated win! i was doing so well, but now i’m at a section full of moving platforms and i just. i suck so hard at those! gonna keep trying until my thirty days run out and hope that’s enough, might get lucky and get past that section but not hopeful. died like thirty times in a row before i ragequit the first time trying, have gone at the same section twice since with same results. aahahahahahahaha i am not good at platformers, have i mentioned this before???

Minecraft Story Mode is technically finished but they took the DLC with additional episodes off the store so it’s sitting on my hard drive in limbo. do i leave it installed in the hopes that it goes back on the store (and eventually on sale enough) so i can buy it and 100% the game? or do i uninstall it and free up the hard drive space? CONUNDRUMS!

The Witcher pisses me off on so many levels i don’t know if i’ll ever finish it. might cut my losses, might cause myself great pain and strife by persisting. idk yet, it’s up in the air at the mo.

and finally, Saints Row The Third is like comfort food so i’m using it as such. my boss has a Genki Head for everything, and even tho i’m trying out the Troy Baker voice this go round, is wearing a go-go stripper outfit as he conducts his illicit businesses. snazzy!

it’s March 22nd: A New Hope

i got my unlimited data back on the 17th!!!! i can once again watch hockey highlights on youtube and load the damn gig economy sites i’m signed up for to try and find some work. it’s a gorram christmas miracle, is what it is.

as an added bonus, i can download more games to play. doing Enderal: Forgotten Skies right now cos so many people on my steam friendslist are posting screenshots of it and i am intrigued. otherwise it’s just games i’ve gotten in bundles or won on SG that need installing, like Dream Daddy and Deadlight.

is this gonna end with over 500 games installed? probably! it just keeps gettin’ worse, folks.

Samorost 3

Samorost 3

5/10
4.9 hours
30 of 30 achievements

space travel solved by junk thievery and the rigorous handling of flutes
got a quarter of the way through before i realised i was just not having fun at all. had to force myself over a years' time before i could finish it in total because it was just so junkyard bland and borrowed so much from Le Petit Prince that you might as well just read the OG text and move on with your life. pretty art and good music, though?

True Fear: Forsaken Souls Part 1

True Fear: Forsaken Souls Part 1

6/10
11.2 hours
38 of 40 achievements

what's happenin', dollface?
second run complete. one achievement i'm missing is bugged and the other i fucked up getting cos i thought since i already had the cheevos from before that they counted but NO, NO THEY DO NOT, so i don't get the Boss thing. just want to say that i hate hate HATE the cheevos where you have to "play for X hours straight" or "complete the game in one sitting" cos i'm a perpetual 20-minute-session person; just to get them i have to basically leave the game running for an entire day even tho i'm hardly playing it. UGH.

aaaanyway it's a decent HOG i guess. the mouse sensitivity could use some work cos sometimes i had to click upwards of three times to get it to register during hidden object scenes. i legit have no idea why people were so excited when the second one was released; multiple people on my f-list on steam were all a-quiver with excitement and i was just.. it's not a bad game, but it's not worth the hype they were exhibiting either?

anyway despite the lack of a 100% i'm just gonna uninstall it. in a couple years i can give it another go if i'm really hard up for another perfect game to my count, but playing it a third time isn't my idea of a fun time, and games! are supposed to be! fun!!!

Burly Men at Sea

Burly Men at Sea

5/10
2.3 hours
25 of 25 achievements

these guys should've been dead and drowned SO MANY TIMES by now!!!

interactive picture book that forces you to replay a million times to get all the achievements. would've had more impact if they had strung all the incidents together into a coherent story and let you play that, but nooooo, anything to sidestep the Odyssey comparisons i guess. artwork is hella bright because everything is so minimalist white and can be irritating at times, don't play when you're borderline headache cos it will tip you over.

Plandzz

Plandzz

7/10
6.1 hours
68 of 68 achievements

the story is that you are crawling about in a dungeon and… snapping tetriminos in place by torchlight? what???

i had this game mostly finished over a year ago but when my old computer fried this was one of the games where the progress was lost despite the game files being on an external hdd and cloud saves being turned on. so it took me a while to muster up the enthusiasm to redo everything before i could progress to the end.

it's a fairly simple game-- these sorts of puzzles appear a lot in HOGs, which is why i bought it in the first place. you get a preset field with obstacles, and it's up to you to arrange the given tiles around them to fill the entire thing. super basic, nothing fancy. do each level under a certain amount of moves (different for each level) and you get three gold stars and a cheevo. don't do it under the prerequisite moves and you'll still be able to progress to the next level but sans the cheevo, so what's the point, really?

it's super cheap when on sale, and an easy 100% if you're into that.

Plandzz 2

Plandzz 2

6/10
1.3 hours
120 of 120 achievements

well that was… quick.

whew, lawks. i don't know if the first game was just more difficult or if the tramadol i was on when i played this just made me some kind of PUZZLE MASTERMIND but holy crap that went by fast.

same type of dealio as the first game, nothing new to report except how bleeding fast it went.

still working on Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition and Binary Domain for the march is play a game you won on SG month challenge. supposed to work on Xanadu Next too but i just can’t seem to get into it, and will probably stop trying since there’s only a bit over a week left in the month now.

i think it’s due to how dark it is– lots of migraines this month that the tramadol is doing jack-all for so when i tense up from not being able to see anything in a game i just make the pain worse and have to quit before i can really get going. i’ll try the game again when i’m not so perpetually hurty, lol.

beware the ides of phat beatsies on March 15th 2k19

Paradigm

Paradigm

10/10
6.1 hours
18 of 18 achievements

this one has been on my wishlist for YEARS so was super pleased when it showed up in the Humble Monthly. it did not disappoint-- there's commentary on the socioeconomics of subpar waste management, a persistent theme of loss (of direction), and a genetically engineered sloth who vomits candy when he gets upset. the puzzles are straight forward, the writing is tight and witty. definitely worth your time if you like point-and-clicks!

GRAVEN The Purple Moon Prophecy

GRAVEN The Purple Moon Prophecy

6/10
5.6 hours
19 of 19 achievements

eh, it's a HOG. the real effort is in getting the mistletoe collectables that are, outside of the usual places, also inside the hidden object scenes themselves. total madlads made this game i tell you, the madness here is palpable. but otherwise it's the usual blah blah save the world blah blah something wildly mystical happens blah blah blah.

one nice bit is that you wander into a bar on your own, poke around like the malignant creep you are, and then the barkeep appears to yell at you for breaking in! this is so rare, i just had to share it!!

Forgotten Tales: Day of the Dead

Forgotten Tales: Day of the Dead

7/10
12.8 hours
58 of 58 achievements

traded for this one cos solitaire is totally my jam. decent layouts for the cards, 100 levels in 10 "chapters" to play through, and the artwork is cute enough to make it stand out. buggy as fuck though, if you're gonna play then you need exit the game every few hands and then go back in or else the cards will fly away and never come back. it was weird. not frustrating weird, just "huh" weird.

The Little Acre

The Little Acre

10/10
3.4 hours
27 of 27 achievements

finally did a second run with a guide loaded to get all the achievements i missed on my first time through. this is a SG win that i was really surprised by-- generally games that put so much effort into having art done to look like Don Bluth fall short on actual gameplay, but not this one! it's a rather short game all told, but well worth your time. cute story, well actualized characters, and the doggo is absolutely awesome.

my new controller got here on the 8th! i am back to grinding in Final Fantasy VII for materia levels and racing my gold chocobo for prizes. at some point i will go fight Ultimate Weapon and proceed with the storyline but eh, not right now.

also finished Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2 this month. pausing in the series for a little bit before I start the third game because i signed up for the play a game you won on SG challenge for March, and that puts Binary Domain (which crashes at every cutscene, lol, but is otherwise v fun!), Xanadu Next, and Sleeping Dogs: Definitive Edition at the top of my priority list.

ramblin’ on in on Feb 26th 2k19

FIRST i was really into Final Fantasy VII with the chocobo breeding and finally getting Knights of Round materia again, but ahahahaha my dog Methuselah has a thing for eating stuff i put my hands all over so you can kind of guess what happened to my controller. i don’t like playing JRPGs without a controller cos otherwise my fingers cramp, so that game is on hold until i can order a new one in a couple weeks.

NOW i’m back into my current playthrough of Mass Effect. i say current because all my old saves were apparently kept locally back on the computer that fried up like a shamed goose egg in a chef’s pocket, so now i gotta do everything all over again if i wanna smooch Garrus! oh no! (lol not really, i’m okay with replaying because the anticipation is part of the fun when it comes to Garrus. no i am not joking.)

ANYWAY here’s just a list of the random little games i’ve finished since my last update. trying out the generator’s function of keeping the reviews out of sight until you click on the More button because it just looks swankier that way, but also i am very lazy right now so all the reviews are total nonstarters and filled with an excess of exclamation points. oh well, what the hell.

Portal of Evil: Stolen Runes Collector's Edition

Portal of Evil: Stolen Runes Collector's Edition

7/10
8.1 hours
20 of 20 achievements

i think the reason all the dudes in this game are cranky is cos of the high-collars on their shirts.

oh boy. it's a perfectly fine hog but if you want to 100% it be VERY CAREFUL in looking for the notes you gotta collect cos they mesh so well into the backgrounds that i had to restart the game four! fucking! times! before i finally got a playthrough where i got them all. so instead of going "ooh this was an entertaining HOG!" i was just relieved it was all over.

i mean. okay, you can only explode a demon pig to get a fancy door lock so many times before the shine wears off.

Cross Set

Cross Set

5/10
4.7 hours
17 of 17 achievements

dumbass sudoku ripoff that can combine with all the other sudoku ripoffs to form a crappy voltron ripoff!!

game gave me a headache for some reason and i have no idea why. was it the colours? was it the music that you could turn off a million times but would switch back on whenever it felt like it? was it just my crabbiness in general? WHO KNOWS. but for the larger puzzles i just consulted a guide to get started on one line and the rest filled in easy after that. i'm just glad it's off my hard drive now, man. so, so glad.

idk. for a puzzle game it was dull, crowded, and irritated me for no good reason. i'll admit that i might've just been in a mood when i played it, though, so take this scree with a grain of salt.

The Charnel House Trilogy

The Charnel House Trilogy

3/10
1.5 hours
18 of 18 achievements

all this game needed was some bongo drums and finger snaps and we'd have the perfect "deep" hipster dive

hollllyyyyy crap this game was such a waste. prolonged monologues about melancholy and hidden meanings and old writers living on islands! stock characters with bad voice work mumbling through their lines! inexplicable infodump after infodump after infodump!!!!!!

i will give this game ONE good point and that point is the first creepy thing the conductor does at the end of chapter one. won't spoil it cos it's better if it's a surprise, but i legit snorted a laugh so hard i hurt myself when it happened. and then they did a send-up to that event at the absolute end of the third chapter that made me laugh again. BUT THE REST OF IT WAS SHIT AND I WISH I NEVER PLAYED IT.

The Darkside Detective

The Darkside Detective

10/10
7.3 hours
27 of 30 achievements

this is the greatest mashup of stuff in the history of ever

i loved this game. still have to go back with a guide to get a few cheevos i missed, but i will! not! mind! because this game is such a goddamn delight that returning to this universe will be a pleasure. A. PLEASURE. and they're making a second one! it will be out in 2020! this is the greatest news since Rome burned!!!

sooooo uh NEXT is uh more Mass Effect followed by Mass Effect 2 and then finished off with Mass Effect 3 on Origin, but games i can actually remove entirely from my Steam backlog will be random and interspersed with whining. yay for whining! wait no.

ahoy on Feb 19th 2k19, i be looking for a white whale, except it be a zombie whale too!

The Walking Dead: Michonne

The Walking Dead: Michonne

6/10
3.7 hours
21 of 21 achievements

theme song: I’m On A Boat, I’m On A Motherfucking Boat

oh my gaaaaawd i have been trying to play this dumb game for years and only now have managed to foce myself to finish it. it’s not like it’s a bad game, because it’s not, i just have this all-abiding deep hatred of Robert Kirkman and have a really hard time stumbling through anything he’s slid his slimy fingers all over.

(do not ask me why i hate the Walking Dead comics so much, your ears will bleed by the time i stop screeching.)

so, as neutrally as i can be: story that doesn’t overstay its welcome, Michonne is a Good Badass, and yes like all entries in the Walking Dead franchise they artificially hype up characters then kill them all in the name of manipulating emotions without putting the work in. with that last point especially it’s business as usual and a very good imitation of Kirkman’s lazy writing that I ljkasdflksdjflksdjfljsdfjskdjljf STOPPING NOW STOP STOP STOP.

i still have Season Two of Telltale’s TWD to get through at some point. i am going to bellow throughout the entire thing.

it’s cultural appropriation monday, feb 18th 2k19!

Alicia Griffith – Lakeside Murder

Alicia Griffith – Lakeside Murder

6/10
4.1 hours
35 of 35 achievements

four hours of playtime and still no idea why the baddie wears a bearhead

W H Y is it in these games the first option is to pick the lock instead of fucking knocking on the door??? this is compulsory B&E and yet no one comments on it!!!!!!!!!!

aaaanyway this is an okay point-and-click. the story features the usual spooky ooky indigenous people of the Americas that white people gobble up with a spoon so i was annoyed, though you might not be. the puzzles aren’t anything to write home about so play this when you’re tired and in the mood for pablum. just remember to click on everything because nothing is clearly marked so spamming the mouse is your only recourse.