fish on friday and human flesh every other day of the week! cunthulhu’s profile

30 year-old woman with an excess of dogs and a measly Intel 4000 HD gpu. i have over 400 games installed on my external hdd right now; this is ridiculous and something needs to change.

if i have a game marked beaten but the hours or cheevos don't really reflect that, it means i've either finished it on another platform or i played it offline so nothing got to sync. 2k16 and 2k17 were dark years for me. i didn't have reliable internet, and as a result some of my early hog cheevos look rigged. it's horrible, absolutely horrible.

updates are sporadic and are sometimes a summary digest, sometimes singular bitchfests. i'm more forgiving on funky mechanics than i am of lazy writing, so this is your page if you want to read about someone with actual editorial training screeching in rage over misused narrative devices and incoherent plots.

twitter: @glitzob
timestamps for the cheevos: astats profile
games i'm "trying" to finish next: compiled in this handy list!

i'm fine with adding people from SG and here-- just don't be a sexist/racist/MAGAhead and let me know in a comment where you found me, then i'll add you back.


ahoy on Feb 19th 2k19, i be looking for a white whale, except it be a zombie whale too!

The Walking Dead: Michonne

The Walking Dead: Michonne

6/10
3.7 hours
21 of 21 achievements

theme song: I’m On A Boat, I’m On A Motherfucking Boat

oh my gaaaaawd i have been trying to play this dumb game for years and only now have managed to foce myself to finish it. it’s not like it’s a bad game, because it’s not, i just have this all-abiding deep hatred of Robert Kirkman and have a really hard time stumbling through anything he’s slid his slimy fingers all over.

(do not ask me why i hate the Walking Dead comics so much, your ears will bleed by the time i stop screeching.)

so, as neutrally as i can be: story that doesn’t overstay its welcome, Michonne is a Good Badass, and yes like all entries in the Walking Dead franchise they artificially hype up characters then kill them all in the name of manipulating emotions without putting the work in. with that last point especially it’s business as usual and a very good imitation of Kirkman’s lazy writing that I ljkasdflksdjflksdjfljsdfjskdjljf STOPPING NOW STOP STOP STOP.

i still have Season Two of Telltale’s TWD to get through at some point. i am going to bellow throughout the entire thing.

it’s cultural appropriation monday, feb 18th 2k19!

Alicia Griffith – Lakeside Murder

Alicia Griffith – Lakeside Murder

6/10
4.1 hours
35 of 35 achievements

four hours of playtime and still no idea why the baddie wears a bearhead

W H Y is it in these games the first option is to pick the lock instead of fucking knocking on the door??? this is compulsory B&E and yet no one comments on it!!!!!!!!!!

aaaanyway this is an okay point-and-click. the story features the usual spooky ooky indigenous people of the Americas that white people gobble up with a spoon so i was annoyed, though you might not be. the puzzles aren’t anything to write home about so play this when you’re tired and in the mood for pablum. just remember to click on everything because nothing is clearly marked so spamming the mouse is your only recourse.

twofer Tues– i mean, winsome Wednesday of 13th Feb 2k19!

Regency Solitaire

Regency Solitaire

9/10
9.6 hours
17 of 17 achievements

my word, mr. chattersworth, what will the gossips at the ton think?!

solitaire game just like any other, except it’s got a plot ripped from one of the more traditional Georgette Heyer books sliding through via placecards. i swear to god i’ve read a book that had the same plot but damn if i can remember who wrote it or what it was called.

the game has good mechanics, my first and only run-through was on hard difficulty and took approx 9 hours without it getting tedious. a protip tho: if you play the game first on hard, in order to get the “win game on normal” achievement to pop all you need to do is switch the difficulty down and then play the final chapter again. i don’t know if the reverse is true but that’s the method i used without going through the entire game again for one measly cheevo.



Roofbot

Roofbot

10/10
7.9 hours
16 of 16 achievements

something something floating roombas with arms who apparently procreate something something

a very nice puzzle game that i am glad i got to play. didn’t absolutely have to look up solutions until i hit level 98, though i was sorely tempted at level 96 cos holy crap that one was hard. this is the kind of game where there’s a set number of different ways you can approach the issue, and so long as you keep varying what you do you’ll stumble upon the solution eventually.



OKAY, SO: i’ve been going back and forth first from the hospital where my mother was held and now to an in-patient rehab center while they try to get her recovered from a shitstorm of a kidney infection. doesn’t leave a lot of time for gaming, though i have finally begun my replay of Final Fantasy VII on her cheapass 1gb RAM netbook to keep myself entertained while she sleeps off the drugs. i am almost back to the point in the game where on my last playthrough i realised i had missed the Ramuh materia and thus would not get an achievement, so hey, progress.

when at home– and not sleeping off nursing home crud, oh my god my immune system is taking a pummeling at that place someone please save me– i’m working on The Turing Test (will probably finish the story parts of that one next, so look out), Infinifactory (wow this game is hard! my brain is leaking from my ears! why do i do this to myself!), and Grim Dawn (not really enjoying it and don’t know why yet, since it has all the elements that i normally like????).

i’m also trying to force myself to finish The Walking Dead: Michonne but it’s so hard to load up the game when i would literally be doing anything other than giving time and attention to another Robert Kirkman enterprise. blech. i’ll get there eventually, but expect the summarized write-up to be a lot of screeching in pain.

the unbearable lightness of being February 4th 2k19

Oik 4

Oik 4

2/10
1.6 hours
1800 of 1800 achievements

i’m sorry Dave but i can’t let you do that— oh no wait now i can

the first two Oik’s were pretty okay, but the mechanics of the game have shifted to this huge emphasis on timing that really isn’t fun for me. i like to know if i have the right sequence down the first time i figure it out, not be required to do the same set of motions over and over until the engine (i guess???) decides that this time it’ll actually work.

i legit enjoy the Zup and qop games that are made by the same dev, but this Oik series is being put onto my “do not buy” list from here on out.



Goosebumps: The Game

Goosebumps: The Game

8/10
3.8 hours
40 of 40 achievements

that darn slappy!!!!!

hmmm, well. it’s a solid point-and-click with a helluva lot of ways to die and get to the endgame. it’s also… sort of obscure, i guess, in some solutions. i got something like half way through before i had to consult a guide, and when i saw how much i’d missed i just started over entirely.

this is a game marketed for the nostalgia market of the books and doesn’t really have much appeal for anyone who dgaf or plain-ass didn’t know the series existed. i went through a few years during primary school of adoring this series so i’m favorable towards the game despite its flaws, but you might not. this is a tentative recommended from me, because any enjoyment you might get from it is entirely subjective and i can’t predict it.



the lunar sale started today so OF COURSE my backlog has grown. not by, like, a hideous amount, but– but yeah. moar gamez!!!! flip over table, private dance it on out of here.

uhhhhhhhhhhhh also i’m playing Rune Classic for admittance to the Playing Appreciated group and so far it’s just a mess. so many vivid blue and green dots showing through the models so you know where all the joints are! so many crashes to desktop!! i keep hitting the mushrooms with my sword but they don’t die, what is this!!!?!!!

The Wind-Up Chronicle of Feb 2nd 2k19

Memoranda

Memoranda

5/10
2.1 hours
11 of 11 achievements

hard-boiled boring and the end of this blah game

okay gonna be straight up real here: Murakami’s style and story do not translate well to interactive media. i don’t know if it would survive the shift to a visual medium like film or television, but it sure as shit doesn’t work here– in a point-and-click game, full of incomprehensible puzzles and a lot of meandering language, all of which reads as flowery for the sake of it rather than carrying any philosophical meaning like in the actual works of Murakami.

i didn’t expect much from this game but i at least expected coherence. that… was not delivered. in order to progress i had to alt-tab from game to guide-in-browser the entire way through because as soon as i tried to go it alone i got stuck. there is literally one straight-forward item to obstacle piece in this game and it was in the last quarter of the story. i felt a sincere burst of joy as i applied my shovel to that pile of mud, but then realized that the guide was indicating i was near the end of the game itself, so then i became sullen and resentful again. not really a fun rollercoaster to be on when you’re supposed to be having fun with a game, yanno?

and again, gonna be real: my rating on that bar of five out of ten would be a lot lower except: it’s Murakami. or someone trying to be Murakami, anyway. they tried. they failed. i would love to see a success story with this kind of surrealism, but in order for that to happen whichever dev who is attempting this needs to realize that progression of the game does not hinge on how wild and out there you can get, it hinges on followable logic.

Memoranda has no followable logic. get it for the +1 or the guided 100%, but don’t get it to actually play and enjoy.

Lost Civilization

Lost Civilization

Lost Civilization

3/10
2.5 hours
no achievements

it’s so nice to play a hog where the main character is a malignant sociopath who destroys the lives of all who have the misfortune to cross her path!

i would like it to be known that i had entirely forgotten that this game was even in my library until i was sorting everything here on BLAEO. i was all “dafuq is this thing” and then “oh, a hog!” and now i have a migraine and regret everything. boooooo.



on one hand, this is your usual HOG game– something horrible happens (your fiance is kidnapped) so you set out to right the wrong done unto you (save fiance, do some archeology on the way there). you have to squint and prod your way through a few bleached out hidden object scenes and uninspired puzzles, get the magnet on a string to fish out a key, etc etc etc. it’s all very mundane and nothing to write home about.

on the other hand, the main character steals hotel reservations and makes receptionists lose their jobs without an ounce of remorse. she exhibits no emotion when a family member of hers is killed. she finds her fiance tied to a chair in a dingy warehouse and goes “oh i’ll saunter back three scenes to rummage through a skip for something sharp!” and takes her damn time about it.

Lost Civilization is basically going through the motions. you have all these elements that are always found in these games so the dev i suppose felt obligated to include them, but they didn’t bother patching them together in a cohesive way. the end result was half irritation (the voice acting is really freaking bad, okay) and half reluctant amusement towards this so-called heroine who callously wrecks innocent civilians with a series of well-placed phone calls.

i’d say play it for the lulz but the HOG scenes gave me a headache, so i suggest you avoid avoid avoid simply to save yourself the literal pain.

The Miskatonic

The Miskatonic

8/10
1.9 hours
no achievements

hey Lizzie, i wanna be cheeky cheeky too!

The Miskatonic is a short VN that mocks the Lovecraftian-type of cosmic horror. 19 out of 20 characters have wiggly things coming out of them, they all are very nonchalant about the whispering chants that drive expedition teams mad, and there’s some kind of orange goo puddled everywhere. there’s also an adorable Dunwitch Horror named Lizzie who likes grilly cheeses.

i received this game from a friend who knew i like me some tentacles and who was appalled that i hadn’t acquired it yet. it took me a while to get into it because the font used at first was so tiny that i had a hard time reading it– apparently the dev got enough complaints on it though that he made it a titch bigger so no more headaches for me!

everyone in this game is super weird by design, but because no particular weirdness stands out it doesn’t fall into the annoying ~~~lol so random humour that seeps into the cracks of Hot Topic stores lurking inside the malls of America. it would have been easy for the dev to fall into that kind of shtick, and i was impressed that he managed to sidestep it and keep this short game entertaining. also, for someone who isn’t really into VNs like myself, the game doesn’t outstay its welcome and ends at a good point, so there’s no drudgery commonly found in this particular genre.

deffo RECOMMENDED if you like tentacles, cannibals, and cute wee avatars of Eldritch Horrors who wear the shadowy essence atop their shadowy skulls up in pigtails.

Batman - The Telltale Series

Batman - The Telltale Series

7/10
9 hours
30 of 30 achievements

sometimes you bring a fresh take and sometimes you turn the characters into sentient vomit~!

played the first episode back in April of 2k18 and was thrown for such a loop by the characterization in particular that i just had to take a step back and breathe. yes, for something like ten months, nothing but breathing.

first the good things:

  • i am normally very ride or die over Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, but this version was very well done. she was mercenary but still had doubts, intrigued by Batman/Bruce but didn’t let that divert her from her own survival, and Laura Bailey did an excellent job bringing the sultry without being obnoxious as her VA.
  • Penguin’s mask was hilarious, they legit made him into a Plague Doctor oh my lawdy lawd lawd.
  • the investigation link-up scenes were pretty interesting to put together. they have the option that you can link them wrongly just so Batman can go “nope” so you need to actually pay attention to what you’re doing, which i appreciated.

now for the bad:

  • oh hey, Harvey Dent's fall into Two-Face that is normally so poignant because of how upstanding he is morally that is totally trashed in this game by making him a pandering numbnuts in the search of gubernatorial power!
  • oh hey, Big Bad In Bondage who has a big secret identity reveal at the end of episode three that made me say "are they serious" aloud and then laugh so hard for the rest of the episode that i missed options to choose dialogue.
  • oh hey, Batman's tech being compromised because it piggybacks on Wayne Tech without its own isolated system as backup. there's no Avast or AVG in your world, huh? BatAvast? BatWindows Defender???



  • i paid something like $7 USD for this game, so i guess i got my money’s worth. i’d even be willing to play the second game if it were put on sale for a comparable price. but it’s not an astounding addition to the Batman universe, and if you’ve had any focus on the comics in particular, a lot of the characterization choices are liable to throw you for a loop. i mean, it’s one thing to try something new, folks, but it’s entirely another to pile trash onto the moralistic core of characters who really really need said core cos it’s their defining trait. no amount of “fresh” and “original” tags will hide the fact that you’re writing OOC fanfic.

    January 1st to 14th 2k19



  • Tacoma
    Tacoma

    9.4 hours playtime

    12 of 12 achievements

  • oh goodie, let’s look in on the crew members currently using the shower why don’t we.

    traded for this cos i wasn’t subscribed to the Monthly yet when it featured. i really like these “discover the story by being a dirty rotten voyeur” games and i do not know why. in this game in particular the characters were really well fleshed out– yes, they were objectively Good People, but holy crap some of the pettiness and Janus Bits floating around the background.

    Deffo RECOMMENDED if you enjoy themes of characters being shitheels just like in reality but still not deserving to die like they do in Hollywood.



  • DISTRAINT: Deluxe Edition
    DISTRAINT: Deluxe Edition

    5.9 hours playtime

    16 of 16 achievements

  • snuff film simulator, but it’s the complete edition full of pinkish hues.

    this one is marked free in my client so i guess i got it out of a promotion or something. the graphics did a good job of being spooky dooky without infringing of dumb territory, and i never had to look up what to do next so yay for straightforward storytelling, but uuuuhhhhhhhh you can absolutely tell it’s a Dude who Possibly Went to Liberal Arts College who made this game cos only the DWPWTLAC who think this kind of story is Dramatic and Horrifying.

    if i go into more detail i’ll be sauntering all over spoilers so gonna stop here, but generic conclusion is i guess if you want a semi-easy 100% in a couple of hours then this is your game, but don’t put much stock in the horror tag cos it’s really really not.



  • Demon Hunter 4: Riddles of Light
    Demon Hunter 4: Riddles of Light

    2.3 hours playtime

    22 of 22 achievements

  • wherein Osiris got swole and everyone is super jealous about it.

    ahahahahahahahaahhaah. don’t play this if you had any interest whatsoever in mythology as a kid cos you’ll spend your entire time going “wtf????” as you play. i mean, easy 100% now that they include a glowing indicator if you haven’t found the morphing object in the scene yet, but still! they just grabbed a load of names off the list of Egyptian Gods and made their own quasi-BDSM saga out of it, it’s totally ridic.



  • Lost Grimoires 3: The Forgotten Well
    Lost Grimoires 3: The Forgotten Well

    2.8 hours playtime

    13 of 13 achievements

  • don’t look now but that elf who attempted to genocide your kingdom thinks you’re cute

    (covers face with hands) whyyyyyyyy. whyyyyy whyyyy whyyyyyyyy. whywhywhywhy whyyyyyyyyyy.

    easy 100%, but the story will turn your brain to mush with how rubbish it is so possibly fortify yourself with liquor before playing.



  • Noir Chronicles: City of Crime
    Noir Chronicles: City of Crime

    3.2 hours playtime

    20 of 20 achievements

  • someone should make a hog rip-off of robocop so the head-punching survivibility rate is actually believable.

    the amount of times the player-character gets punched in the head for a convenient time change means he should be dithering in Concussion City for years to come, but okay, maybe he has steel plating already installed over his skull and he isn’t much affected. i’ll suspend my disbelief. (lol, no i won’t.)

    another easy 100%, made easier by snarling YOU DIRTY RAAAAAT off and on throughout.



  • Among the Heavens
    Among the Heavens

    7.4 hours playtime

    20 of 20 achievements

  • they can keep upgrading their building but they can’t hire on additional waitstaff? really??

    eh, i finished most of the achievements a couple years ago but the save is local so when my old computer died so did my progress, and i only now just began anew to finish the story and cheevos. it’s an okay time management game but nothing about it is really wonderful or stands out.




    ALSO in this two week timeframe i completed two Zup games (Zero 2 and S, respectively) and the fourth qop installment. they’re not recognized by Steam in the stats tho, so they shall totter off into the vastness of space, unremarkable and forever young. IF I CAN TURRRRRRN BAAAAACK TIIIIIIIIME, IF I COULD FIIIIIIND A WAAAAAAAAAAAY~!



    Next Batch Intended—

    finish these so i can finally uninstall them aaaaaaaahh

    • Batman - The Telltale Series

      5 hours playtime

      12 of 30 achievements

    • Orwell

      4 hours playtime

      14 of 27 achievements

    • Goosebumps

      55 minutes playtime

      6 of 40 achievements

    • Portal of Evil: Stolen Runes Collector's Edition

      4 hours playtime

      13 of 20 achievements

    • Burly Men at Sea

      79 minutes playtime

      17 of 25 achievements

    • The Walking Dead: Michonne

      2 hours playtime

      7 of 21 achievements

    • Kairo

      2 hours playtime

      3 of 11 achievements

    • Samorost 3

      3 hours playtime

      13 of 30 achievements

    • Agatha Christie - The ABC Murders

      9 hours playtime

      44 of 50 achievements

    • Dead In Bermuda

      13 hours playtime

      28 of 36 achievements