Update Fourteen: 26 June 2017

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I do hope you guys forgive me for posting twice in one day, but, finally, after one billion years I have finished CLANNAD.

Okay, not literally. And most of that ‘playtime’ is inaccurate, too, I tend to leave VNs running all the time so their playtimes get inflated, but this is a HUGE fucking VN. It is ENORMOUS. It’s probably the longest I ever played, not counting the two When They Cry series. For retailing at 50 US dollars, it had better deliver, and - oh boy - it does.

The joke is that CLANNAD is one of the touchstones of Japanese visual novels, and it will make you cry. The joke is true. I rolled my eyes, thinking, ‘yeah, okay, buddy, whatever…’ but it got me. This friggin early-2000’s dated-ass ugly-looking VN could NOT POSSIBLY be good, right? But jesus christ, it is. It’s a pure slice-of-life dating-sim, but the storylines for each main girl are very in depth, with a huge after story about the ‘main girl’ unlocking that goes through marriage, living together, and even having a child. It’s mainly lighthearted, but that’s only to prime you for the feelings to hit - and when they hit, they hit hard.

What’s nice is that these feelings are genuine and varied. Each emotion beat is distinct from each other, and with a good fourteen or fifteen arcs, at least ONE will be close enough to your heart to pierce it. Striving to overcome your own past or your body’s weakness, forgiveness, finding your family, trying to achieve a simple honest life and never giving up hope - there will be something that will push your buttons.

It’s a VN for VN-lovers, though, and it’s far from perfect. It’s VERY dated, not just in its references and technology (which is actually kind of nostalgic) but also in its weird awkward sexual humor and it’s absolutely awful ‘joke’ arc about the protag suddenly turning gay for his best friend. It’s art is…. frankly, awful, a relic of probably the nadir of the standard anime style, with huge, goopy, melting eyes flowing down right past their noses. You get used to it, but it’s definitely a breath of fresh air not to have to look at them anymore.

Long story short: The OG VN Feelingsgame, the girls are fleshed out, no tiddymonsters, be prepared for it to take forever to read and to have to get used to goofy-looking sprites. Open your heart to the simple charm of the game and keep the tissues nearby.

Next up: Time to kiss some elves!

See you soon!