Progress report: June ‘23 (a.k.a. It’s Still June, Right? …Right?)
I may not be the first (or only) one to be late with my posts, but damn if I’m not the one who’s most embarrassed about it.
Why did I not post this on time? Uhh, lots of other stuff happening all at the same time. Also, I think I was missing one of the reviews at that time.
Anyway, let’s see here…
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100 hidden eternals
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Beacon Pines
6.4 hours playtime
10 of 10 achievements
GAME
PASS -
Bloodshore
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Neon Girls
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PARADISE CLEANING - Conquering Married Women through Sex -
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Viki Spotter: Zoo
100 hidden eternals - Okay, I didn’t expect this one would get a little riddly. The tasks you need to do to get all the eternals aren’t all that hard if you know what to do, but since nothing really stands out in these games… let’s just say I was in the dark until I realized this was the first game where a big slice of pizza suddenly started trailing my cursor. And what the heck even are “eternals”?
Beacon Pines - This game was awesome. It really felt like someone wrote this story like a book, then went “wait, this could be a game!” and that’s how Beacon Pines was born. When you start the game, you’re introduced to the narrator, a.k.a. the in-game writer of the story. She needs your help finishing it. You get to, quite literally, dive deep into the story, as she reads it out loud. For contrast, character dialogues are accompanied by “Nintendo beeps”, which was a bit jarring at first, but I eventually warmed up to them; they’re different in pitch and tone for each and every character, and so, they can give you an idea of what everyone would sound like, had they been voiced. Shortly after starting your journey, you will be introduced to Charms - various words that you can discover by interacting with your surroundings and use to try and change your story at Turning Points - scenes interrupted by an incomplete sentence. There’s also a nice flowchart that lets you track all the story branches, so it’s never too overwhelming, although the game is much too short to cause genuine confusion, but I digress. I love the fact that the story plays out in a world of anthropomorphized animals; it’s a simple, yet effective choice, as you can either work with established stereotypes regarding certain animals, or go fully against them. The art is gorgeous, the music is great; it all really felt like getting to go back to the past and read a book, back when I used to do that more often, only with the story getting darker than regular novels would, and perhaps with more twists as well. In the end, though… the climax just wasn’t really satisfying. The Big Bad™️ didn’t get enough time to be The Big Bad™️, and all the other characters that could have been disliked simply weren’t evil enough. On the other hand, I can honestly say that in this game, all bad ends matter. Where in most other games bad ends are just there for the flavor - whether it’s to show a world where a certain character snaps or something goes so horribly wrong that the writer wants you to know how hopeless this kind of situation would be - or simply there and gone, in an instant (chose the dumb option? didn’t have enough of a stat? cue the fade-to-black as the main character says “welp, I’m dead now” and sends you back to the title screen), Beacon Pines’ bad ends give you more and more lore at a steady pace and despite being vastly different in tone, all the branches keep to one and the same story. So while it’s not a game for the people who tend to skip out on bad ends in visual novels and call it a day, at that point the narrative is still engaging enough to keep you on your toes. I’ll admit, I kinda messed up by accidentally leaving only an hour or so’s worth of playtime for my last sitting, but hey, life’s been weird like that recently.
Bloodshore - Another FMV means I’m playing with A again. This one’s about a battle royale that started out as a show involving the most dangerous criminals in the world, but currently invites all kinds of influencers, because “omg, there’s no way I would die! …but if I do, that’s still content!” Much like SIMULACRA 2 was of lower quality in comparison to the first game by focusing on soulless influencers, this battle royale show is, presumably, worse than it’s ever been, as the ratings are said to have been declining for years. The puppetmasters are pulling the strings, but is there really no way to stop this senseless bloodshed? That’s where our protagonist, Nick, comes in. Nick’s popular because of the movies he starred in as a child and besides that and the story about his friend (is it just me, or did it sound like it was inspired by the Coreys?) there’s really nothing else to know about him; I guess you’re supposed to assume that he’s trying to get famous again out of nowhere. Quickly enough, it is revealed that Nick is a plant, playing the game in hopes to destroy the corporation running it from the inside and if you do everything right, you might just succeed. The main problem of this game, however, is the same reason I was curious about it - the battle royale setting. I admit I’ve somehow become attached to Wales Interactive’s games, even if they tend to end abruptly, leaving things unexplained, but this setting only made it worse. How did Nick become a plant in the first place? What’s the whole deal with Dev? Why is there an attempt at romance more shoddy than all David Cage games combined and who made the decision to put it in there? I know FMV games are a big endeavour, but this one is an absolute flop, because everything is so samey even if the circumstances change and at no time does the world feel inhabited enough (there are said to be either 50 or 60 players and we see 20 at most, only about half of which are named and therefore hold importance to the plot). Also… don’t get me wrong. The guy they got to play the host was pretty damn good. But it could have been Rupert Booth! But instead, they got him to play the most minor role of some guy arguing about the show, who you may or may not even see depending on what you choose. Boo! There’s also this weird thing where the game will let you skip some long scenes if you’ve seen them before, but not others (kinda like some VNs; best you can do is assume there are some minor changes to the story, at least), so you might never really be sure how many of the total scenes you’ve actually seen. Another boo!
Neon Girls - Woops, I totally just started buying more of these. Oh well. This one’s all about girls in neon environments and with neon decals on their bodies and outfits.
PARADISE CLEANING - Conquering Married Women through Sex - - As opposed to the one I played previously, Married Woman Cosplay Life, the source of CGs for this game seems to be all about the more violent kind of sex. It has already been “localized” and is available on Steam, although the devs don’t seem to be the least bit embarrassed about it being MTL. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Viki Spotter: Zoo - It’s Viki Spotter, again. I muted the BGM again, as it was another one of those short royalty free loops. Can’t you at least get multiple ones? Also, I get that it’s a generic art style, but… why are some of these animals so thick…
Let’s keep playing catch-up next week :)
Oh the paradise cleaning I did was pig censored. Oh the trailer for the game, I know its for content but failing a level seems only possible when throwing