I just wanna play videogames.
Report 15: Big Boys Time III: The Hornium Files
This one technically never got in my backlog, because I bought it on day one and played it since then.
It’s a new Uchikoshi game and it shows. It uses pretty much all of his usual tropes, but still manages to be entertaining even if you know the creator well.
It takes its time building up and can be a little slow at times, but once you get used to the pacing, it comes off as a really comfy game. It’s chockfull of intentionally dumb puns and sexual innuendo jokes, and it can be either heaven or hell for you depending on the way your sense of humour works. Thankfully, it hit the sweet spot for me. Most of the humour takes place while randomly clicking on different things during the investigations, do if you don’t like it, you can pretty much skip it, but if you like that kind of humor, I really advice you to take your time and click through all the stuff, multiple times sometimes.
As always, Uchikoshi succeeds at creating a cast full of memorable/likeable characters and a couple or two of incredibly touching moments. Not to spoil anything, PSYNCIN’ IN THE SUSTaiN was easily the best of those, even if it had little to do with the actual story.
Goddamnit, I loved Date and Aibo way too much.
Besides the VN/clicking on stuff part, there’s also puzzle segments that are fairly interesting, although the way these puzzles work, you can’t really make them challenging without making them annoying/boring, which happened to the two of those. It’s basically still trial-and-error-based, and it’s not a fun kind of challenging, to be honest.
There were a few of weird/nonsensical plot points, but I was expecting that and I’m not too harsh on the game for it.
I sure wish it was less buggy - as far as I know, it works fine on Win10, but it sure works like ass on my Win7. I’ve had to save and reload during multiple softlocks during the game, shut it down when it softlocked during some transitions, and yeah, by the way, the game crashed because it couldn’t play the final cutscene. As in, 3 minutes before you go to the main menu, finishing the game. Sure spoils the impression a bit.
Thankfully, Spike Chunsoft released a beta for Win7 users, the code is Windows7Beta. AFAIK, the softlocks are still there, but at least the ending works fine now.
Overall, it’s a great game. Thankfully, Uchikoshi didn’t turn out to be a complete one trick pony (I mean, let’s be fair, he uses pretty much the same plot devices over and over) and did a nice job with it. I can definitely recommend this one, if you don’t mind some really random humor from time to time.
Backlog progress status: AI wish AI BOT less games
I’ve beaten two available chapters of a free danganronpa-like game Kimi ga Shine (aka Your Turn To Die). It was a BLAST, what a ride. Highly recommend it. Watch out for spoilers though.
Report 14: Back in time
- It aged pretty well
- I’d call it situational action game or something - instead of just throwing more enemies on you, the developers tried their best to create interesting setups, forcing you to think logically, adapt or react fast enough.
- The pacing - except for a few instances, you can be as slow or as fast as you want, the game won’t try to slow you down either way (again, except for a few instances)
- It’s the reason Freeman’s Mind exists.
- Railway segment - it is unique, but after a few attempts at playthrough it just feels somewhat boring and bogs down the pace.
- Is it me or Gordon tends to slide a bit after moving/jumping whatever?
Just a classic Sierra point’n’click with many, many ways to screw yourself over. If you don’t know what you’re dealing with, you better stay out of it or use walkthrough as frequently as possible. This game can and WILL screw you over, also killing poor guy Roger in the most gruesome ways possible in the process. There's literally an event near the end, which seems harmless at first, but kills you around 30 minutes later Thankfully, I managed to get to the ending fast enough so the death segment won't be triggered after reloading.
The first game’s VGA version was better (duh). Haven’t played the EGA version though, so I can’t compare these two, which would be logical here, sadly.
Due to the lack of VGA interface and scenery details, there’s not much room for humour as in the first one’s VGA version. There were annoyingly many pixel-precision segments, where you have to slow the speed down and navigate Roger through stuff as accurately as possible.
Despite everything, it was pretty alright and had its moments. It’s also actually pretty short, just like the first one.
I think… I kinda hated it? What I’m feeling is not all-out kind of hatred, but it’s sprinkled all over my feelings about that one.
The thing is, I can’t hate the game for not being as hitman-y as I wanted it to, because there was no Hitman game yet to look up to before this one.
But then again, it doesn’t change the fact that I disliked most of the missions. They tend to get pretty boring and tiresome, since one little screw-up can make you do the tedious parts all over again (there is no saving function during missions). Plutonium Runs Loose (the ship one) has to take the cake as the most annoying one, although I’m torn between this and Say Hello To My Little Friend. Traditions Of The Trade was easily the best mission in the game.
Quite a few annoying bugs (crashing near the end of a mission, triggering an alarm for seemingly no reason at all, getting stuck in textures), but manageable overall. Honestly, not a bad game. I mean, I played through it and was invested in it until the bitter end.
It was supposed to be a retro-selection, but I finished this VN and it kinda fits for the theme, so yeah.
It,s a sequel… spin-off… something for the original Steins;Gate VN. Honestly it wasn’t as bad as I’ve been told. Yet, the game felt kinda… pointless isn’t the right word, “needless” may be it. Although I enjoyed Maho and, obviously, Leskinen, the first novel didn’t exactly need another one to tie up its loose ends.
New character sprites look hit-and-miss-y. Obviously liked the original ones more.
Overall, it’s a pretty solid VN, even if it’s worth it only for the Leskinen memes.
I finally played it to the end. For some reason, I stopped playing right at the final boss, without actually finishing it, and just watched a playthrough on youtube a few years later. I think I tried it a few times, only putting it on hold all the same. Now it’s finally done & dusted.
Half-life is a classic and it doesn’t need to be reviewed whatsoever, so I’ll just list some things about it.
Things I liked:
Things I disliked
Backlog progress status: outta time… puns
Report 13: Games are weird
I have a weird relationship with this game. I was okay with it for a while, then I hated it, and at last I’m okay with it yet again. This marks my third playthrough (now on my Steam account) (for whatever reason).
The plot isn’t much to chew on, if you’re even slightly familiar with time travel plots (or at least have seen Butterfly Effect) you can predict the way the story is going to play out down to every twist. There is a bunch of plotholes that revolve around inconsistencies in MC’s powers, but it’s one of those games, where it’s better if you don’t think about it.
The atmosphere is pretty comfy.
I didn’t mind Chloe as much as I thought I would, since I began to appreciate her as a flawed character, and not an annoyingly written one.
And now I finally narrowed down the thing that ruins the game for me - it’s the godawful dialogues. The way writers try to make every freaking line as quirky as possible - without considering if it sounds like an actual living being would say - is downright painful. It just looks like some surreal parody on teenager talk.
There’s another thing - almost all of Maxine’s lines sounds incredibly disingenuous, down to the point it almost sounds sarcastic. “I TOTALLY believe you” and all that.
There was a bug that made restart near the end of the game, but nothing more.
Oh right, the ending. The second one blows and it seems like it was provided just for the sake of having a choice. It’s really lacking and feels hastily slapped together.
Overall I consider this game a sheer luck hit rather than a really thought-out good game. It’s… okay.
It’s a very, very short interactive animation with some heavy sexual innuendo and affection themes. Really nothing much to say about this one, it’s just too short to review properly.
It’s a really hilarious grindhouse-style rail shooter that features both typing mode and the usual shooting mechanic mode.
Getting all the achievements seems like a pain in the ass though and requires replaying the same levels over and over a bit too much. I’m fine at where I am now with my achievement percentage, and I don’t think I’ll get back to it.
It was really fun while it lasted, though.
It’s a weird space-themed roguelite game that goes way longer than it feels like it should - at least in my opinion. Basic gameplay gets really boring after a while and doesn’t justify replaying the game as much as devs seem to want you to. The sound design and music in general are kinda annoying.
Backlog progress status: hella bad
I’ve beaten Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney on my 3DS. It’s a great game, nothing much to say about it.
Welp, I guess it’s time to dive right into the trash bin.
Report 12: Garbage day
This game actually has a really original idea, but it doesn’t elaborate on it any further than it being just an interesting concept. It also kinda seems like a rip-off of Guild of Dungeoneering(2015), it has a somewhat similar gameplay, but “Guild” has way more thought put into it, and it’s design is much better.
It’s functional, but looks half-baked. There’s no story and no variety, so the gameplay gets old really quick. It could’ve been much better if the devs tried a bit harder.
Carpal tunnel syndrome-inducing garbage. Not funny/fun, not challenging, looks like trash and plays like one. I’ve “beaten” it, I guess? Not sure why I even have this, but I’m damn sure I won’t touch it again. Not even gonna put it in my “Hated” list, it’s only for the games that have at least tried.
Even though objectively it’s a better… “game” than the first two (at least, it feels like a completed product), it’s still a mindboggingly boring walk-sim. I can’t even put it higher than Dungetris because of how much of a slog it is. You walk around for five minutes, and then the game resets. I guess it would’ve been even shorter without the resetting part, but I think I might have preffered it that way (even though it’s the whole point of a game, kinda). Nothing to see here. Really.
SG win. And now - a game that isn’t actually a dumpster fire, for a change. It’s a short puzzle-ish platformer. Most of the puzzles involve using weapons at your disposal to progress, and it’s interesting that the combat isn’t even a main focus. There’s enough different game mechanics and methods to use weapon so you won’t feel bored for an hour and a half or so. If I had to nitpick, though, I find the game structure a bit odd at times - for example, there’s a - let’s call it a chase scene - that would be good for a last few screens of the game, but the way the game actually ends feels a bit anticlimactic. It’s not hard, but can be tricky at times. Overall pretty good.
Backlog progress status: zen zen dame da UWWWOOOOOOOOOOO
Wew, it’s been just 4 days since the last report, and there’s a new one already. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT I’M
Report 11: On a roll
It’s a fantasy action pinball game with a plot. Yup.
It sounds like a bizarre idea, but somehow it works. It’s not that hard, but can get a bit frustrating at times. I’ve finished the campaign pretty easily except for a few parts.
The arena mode is where things get tricky and challenging. I’ve played it for some time, perfected one of the challenges, got a “bronze” for the most of them, but at some point I got too frustrated and left it at that. Arena mode seems hard, but not impossible, so, chances are, I’ll return to it one day to complete it.
Overall: pretty fun, fresh and interesting.
It’s a short and fairly easy puzzle game, partially abstract, partially minimalistic. There is some post-apocalyptic plot (though i’d call it lore, there’s not much of a story) going on, but it’s only hints, bits and pieces.
It was a pretty comfortable experience, although sometimes the mouse control was a bit clunky. The ending made me remember Kubrick’s Space Odyssey.
The price is a bit too much for the game I’ve completed in 102 minutes, imo, but if it goes on sale or shows up in a bundle - I’d say go for it.
It’s an old-school point-&-click, just as hilarious as its predecessor, Ben There, Dan That! (at least, in my opinion). When I say old-school, I also mean that the puzzles are old-schoolishly nonsensical, which is made fun of by the game itself many times. Therefore, it can be hard as balls. Though there are many scripted jokes for most of the stuff you’ll try to interact with or combine with something, so you won’t get too frustrated just trying out random stuff - so many, in fact, it’s kinda admirable.
It’s a solid comedy-heavy game from simpler times. God I missed all the Hitler jokes.
Cosmic Ray 5,5/10
Yet another restricted game. Well damn.
Nothing much to say about this one. It’s extremely short, you’ll beat it in 15 minutes and complete it an hour or so. Feels like some sort of a mini-game for a bigger game.
It is mildly fun for what it’s worth - maybe it’s too mild, but it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome, and I’ve got it for free either way.
Backlog progress status: just a drop in the ocean
I know I’ve said no indies on my first BBT, but there’s nothing stopping me from breaking my own rules, right?
Report 10: Big Boys Time II: Going rural
It’s an indie game and I wouldn’t exactly call it big, but it sure as hell took a sweet chunk of my time. Pretty sure it doesn’t need any introduction whatsoever. It’s a Harvest Moon clone, and a pretty good one at that.
Pretty much every mechanic works as pleasantly as possible to soften the tediousness of your actions.
Although the game can be pretty tedious alright, if you go for the completion, like I did. The last 30 hours or so I’ve spent trying to complete the museum collection, and then getting 10.000.000 in total profits. I’ve pretty much had to abandon the farm altogether and straight-up go to bed first thing in the morning while I wait for my starfruit wine to age.
The social stuff was a bit hard too, especially since you’ll be able to contact some characters only in a very specific time slot at first - damn you, Sebastian.
Overall a really great game.
Backlog progress status: still hopeless
Welp, that Steam Grand Prix is one hell of a trainwreck. Oh well. Go pigs.
Report 9: Gone Girls
Steam replay. I can’t exactly force myself to call the first game “not as good” or, god forbid, “worse”, so let’s just say Portal 2 is just a bigger and juicier version of the original.
I’ll always have a soft spot for Wheatley’s humour, since GLaDOS’ snarky comments get old pretty quick, especially considering it’s the second game already.
Puzzles became more diverse, but it’s still fairly easy.
Too bad I’m missing on, like, a third (?) of a game because I don’t like co-op and don’t have anyone to play it with. Again, not that I want to.
Singleplayer though? What can I say, it’s a great game.
It’s a sequel to a pretty well-known (I guess?) Emily is Away. It was alright, although I’m not exactly a fan of “MC cops-out” way to disrupt your choices in storytelling. The sequel is not really a continuation, but more of a remake of sorts. Now you’re using the messenger with two available contacts - aforementioned Emily and a new girl, Evelyn. I can see why the script would need her to expand the scope a bit, but it’s pretty obvious most of the players would still refer to her as “not Emily” - I mean, who wouldn’t want to bring MC and Emily together after all the bittersweet and heartbreaking shit you experienced in the first one?
Thankfully, you can actually do it this time. I felt some weird mix of fullfillment and dissapointment at the same time during the ending - I was almost waiting for something bad to happen, and then it just didn’t. Turns out I was being honest enough. Huh.
The conversations were sometimes a bit too simplistic and shallow for my taste, to the point that it sounded unnatural. Especially the parts where you’re comforting the girls about something or commenting about the stuff they like, MC’s answers always sounded somewhat fake and disingenuous. I don’t know if it’s really a thing or I’m just being cynical and bitter.
The “nostalgia trip” part, consisting pretty much of musical references, was kinda awkward, due to abovementioned unimaginative approach - it just keeps shoving bands’ names that were popular at the time. I have to admit, that this game is way more elaborate than it’s predecessor, using the pre-made pages on their website to parody oldschool Youtube, Facebook, Steam and stuff, that was pretty fun actually.
Overall, there were some parts that didn’t felt geniune enough, but it was still pretty good. You feel your choices matter a lot more this time.
And I have no idea why this review is so long, I’ve just re-checked it and - holy shit I didn’t even notice was rambling so much about it
tl;dr: GODDAMNIT I’M LONELY
I don’t think Braid needs any introduction whatsoever. The vague plot, time manipulation puzzles, one of the first big indie titles (I think?).
This game screws with your brain HARD. I always had a hard time trying to recover IRL and stopping to think with porta… i mean, time manipulation. Game’s puzzles are actually ingenious most of the time. But maybe I’m just dumb. They were kinda hard sometimes. But, again, just dumb. Maybe. I ended up looking up the guides more times than I’d like to admit.
It looks gorgeous, it sounds great, and you’re crazy if you think I’ll do your speedrun achievement, Johnatan, thanks, but I’ve had enough.
It’s kinda weird to give it a lower score than I did with Emily is Away Too, but I just can’t help it. Even with all the level of detail, the lore and hidden stuff, the main plot feels just… normal? It’s not a bad plot at all, it just seems like nothing to write home about. I also have a problem with the way the plot is presented - storytelling through notes and environment is a hard thing to pull off, and Gone Home sometimes fails in it. You can find notes way ahead of the plot you already figured out in your head, therefore plotline loses impact without needed context. And, since notes-storytelling is all the storytelling you get, this game is filled to the brim with notes. Sometimes all these plot devices feel a little contrived - why is that note even here? - and all that stuff.
I was told this game is really pretentious. Not really. It’s pretty straightforward.
Well, I’m glad they embraced the meme and made an achievement for speedrunning the game (1min and 10min w/ all the notes).
I’ve beaten Steins;Gate: Linear Bounded Phenogram (~22h, 7.5/10) on my friend’s account (Yeah, thanks, I’m not buying Elite to get it). It was a pretty good spin-off that delves just a little deeper into the characters. Doesn’t bring anything really new to the table, but it’s still great to spend more time with your favourite characters. The story that was done by Kotaro Uchikoshi surprisingly turned out to be the worst one and a waste of time overall.
Have been playing Borderlands 2 solo for the most part last month. Still good.
Report 8: Still alive (no, really)
Steam replay. I guess it’s already a classic at this point. Still great and funny, but really short.
Done with all the six advanced maps, it was really nice to wrack your brains about something for a change, since, let’s face it, main game is pretty easy. That said, the challenges seemed like a pain in the ass (especially speedruns. hate’em. ugh.), and so did tuning all the radios and breaking all of the cameras, so I draw the line here. Might come back to complete it later.
Meh The Game. My main problem with it is that it’s not particularly interesting and it’s not particularly funny, combined with pretty weak puzzles, it’s just there. It makes me wonder why do we need this mobile port at all.
That fishing minigame can go eat a dick.
To get all of the achievements, you have to beat the game at least three times, which was a pain in the ass.
Well, the artstyle looked neat, I guess.
It’s a pretty subpar “roguelike” that kinda works, but it’s still pretty rough (not only around the edges, more like inherently rough) and it has minor gameplay mechanic flaws that soil the experience.
It was somewhat fun for a while and I definitely was more invested than I was with Little Briar Rose, but the latter felt far more competent on the technical level.
It’s an enchanced version of a word game by the same name. One of the main additions is Endless Mode, which is exactly what you’d expect and it’s not very interesting, actually. The game gets kinda repetitive if you aim for the achievements and all stars, since by the time you reach post-game, you’ll be powered up enough through upgrades so that nothing poses a real challenge for you. But it’s still a pretty good timekiller.
Report 7: Color me shocked, it’s about damn time
Do I really have to say that Steins; Gate is great? The story is great, all of the characters are well done and likeable (except for one minor antagonist near the end of the game, which was just too comically evil). Character designs are great, I honestly can’t fathom why would anyone go for the Elite version, which looks awful in comparison and pretty bad in general. You might as well just watch the anime at this point.
The phone trigger system really adds some life to the usual VN shticks, but will make your life hell if you try to 100%-complete the game without a guide (even if you do use a guide, there’s still some pain in the ass involved.) Same goes for going for a true ending, but it’s definitely worth it.
Before you ask - Kurisu.
It’s a really nice action-adventure game, really bright and colorful (I mean… duh). It looks like platformer and it involves platformes indeed, but the jumping is automatic, which feels really weird at frist, but the movement feels very fluid that way, even though you’re not fully controlling it. The plot is just like something you’re used to with fairytale-like setting like this. It’s not very long and it’s not difficult, but can be a little demanding if you’re trying to complete the achivements.
Overall it was a really nice experience - it’s nothing spectacular to write home about, but it’s good game to play leisurely for a couple of days or so.
Home is a simple horror adventure game which heavily relies on unreliable narrator trope (pun not intended, I swear). The game uses it so frequently that I don’t even know how to feel about the plot, since even if there are some obvious conclusions, it’s still pretty open for interpretation. There are a few sound jumpscares that were really dumb and unneeded, the game and its atmosphere were doing just fine on their own. The pixel art is kinda - too - low on details at times - most of the time you’ll never guess what you’re about to pick up until you read the text following your interaction with it.
It was pretty fun (as in “if you like depressing stuff”-fun) and it’s nice to see that the text narration that accompannies the game actually takes notice of some actions you did/didn’t.
5.5/10, 1 hour of playtime, 4 of 4 achievements (100%)
(This one isn’t showing up in the game list and restricted, which sucks)
Absurd horror-ish something by 98DEMAKE, the same guy who did September 1999, which was pretty cool. I really like this guy’s approach to horror stuff - he doesn’t resort to jumpscares and orthodoxal tactics to scare the player, but his games are eerie and unsettling anyway.
But man does that game fucks your eyes up.
But man are some levels too long.
It also could’ve used more substance. But it’s still pretty okay………normal (yes, thank you, i’ll be here all night).
Yay, I’ve finished Bioshock Remastered challenge rooms. “The ‘I’ in Team” was a neat little puzzle, “A shocking turn of events” was a good exercise for resource managing, and “Worlds of Hurt” can go fuck itself. Speedrunning it using crossbow abuse and changing the difficulty midway just barely got me below 15 minutes, I honestly don’t know how you’re supposed to do it on Medium the fair way. I mean, it’s certainly possible (I got 6 of 8 rooms by 10 minutes mark on my first try without trying to abuse the game, which surprised me), but man, I guess I just hate LONG speedruns (and I guess I just suck, feel free to point it out in the comments). I did speedruns for two previous challenges (3min, 4min) with no problems at all.
I’m also playing the first Risk of Rain game together with my friend. It’s really fun, and I do see why some people can say it’s not really the best to play it alone. Although the microscopic scale of everything took a while to get used to.
Report 6: The running dead and the broken glass
Welp, that was a pretty okay-ish finale of the long saga. The whole “eh, okay” feel to it was not really the script’s fault, it’s just when the thing drags for so long, you ought to feel burned out at some point, and these games just stop surprising you at all. I mean, I know that almost every decision I make will blow up in my face later in the worst way possible, what a shock, I know. Last episode was a somewhat predictable, yet a comforting note to finish on. It’s certainly better than just leaving it hanging because of the whole Telltale mess.
Clementine is still really likeable. The way AJ sees the world and processes your attempts at upbringing through the childish prism seemed annoyingly extreme and unnatural at first, but I got over it really fast, considering he just didn’t had a moral foundation that living in society provides. Most of the season cast was, sadly, kinda forgettable.
Louis > Violet. Dont @ me. I’m okay with m/m or f/f stuff if it’s well written and interesting. It’s not even the problem here: her romance plotline just felt really underwhelming and somewhat boring for me. Both romance options seem pretty forced and cheesy anyway, but if you’re spouting le epic funny jokes, you’ll get my vote anytime.
The addition of action sequences actually spiced things up a bit and the graphics were better, but it’s still a Telltale game through and through, with all its cons and pros. It’s better than New Frontier and Michonne and worse than the first two seasons. I’m sort of glad we could finally see “Telltale formula” getting put to rest before it became insufferable, and it was painfully close.
A pretty simplistic (but by no means an easy one) anime pixel zombie/demon shoot’em up. I wouldn’t call it exceptionally hard, because, first of all, you have slim chances - if not zero chances - of beating it if you’re not upgrading your characters. Which you’ll be doing a lot. A lot lot. I really wish this game wasn’t as grindy as it is - I’ve spent only 5 or so hours trying to actually beat the game, and spent the rest grinding money in survival mode. When you’re fully upgraded, the game is pretty challenging, but nothing mindboggling, it’s your typical bullethell. The last two levels can get pretty frustrating, but the bosses’ patterns are actually pretty easy, it’s getting to these bosses that can be hard. Enemies and especially bosses look really cool and menacing, the music is pretty good, the plot is pretty much in the who-cares-zone. It could’ve been a really fun little game and it sort of is, but man, the grinding was just obnoxious.
A nice twist on the runner genre with very simple resource management mechanics. Some parts may come off as tricky at first, but you get the hang of things pretty quickly. It has a pretty nice pixel art and the achievements are fairly easy to get, so the game doesn’t overstay it’s welcome (yes, I’m looking at you, Riddled Corpses). In fact, completing the “hard mode” achievements unlocks even if you get a game over. …Fine by me.
That was a nice puzzle game. There’s not much to say about it, since, well, there’s not much to discuss in the first place. No plot, just puzzles. Stained glass art looks cool, I guess.