I just wanna play videogames.
I’ve beaten Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney on my 3DS. It’s a great game, nothing much to say about it.
Welp, I guess it’s time to dive right into the trash bin.
Report 12: Garbage day
This game actually has a really original idea, but it doesn’t elaborate on it any further than it being just an interesting concept. It also kinda seems like a rip-off of Guild of Dungeoneering(2015), it has a somewhat similar gameplay, but “Guild” has way more thought put into it, and it’s design is much better.
It’s functional, but looks half-baked. There’s no story and no variety, so the gameplay gets old really quick. It could’ve been much better if the devs tried a bit harder.
Carpal tunnel syndrome-inducing garbage. Not funny/fun, not challenging, looks like trash and plays like one. I’ve “beaten” it, I guess? Not sure why I even have this, but I’m damn sure I won’t touch it again. Not even gonna put it in my “Hated” list, it’s only for the games that have at least tried.
Even though objectively it’s a better… “game” than the first two (at least, it feels like a completed product), it’s still a mindboggingly boring walk-sim. I can’t even put it higher than Dungetris because of how much of a slog it is. You walk around for five minutes, and then the game resets. I guess it would’ve been even shorter without the resetting part, but I think I might have preffered it that way (even though it’s the whole point of a game, kinda). Nothing to see here. Really.
SG win. And now - a game that isn’t actually a dumpster fire, for a change. It’s a short puzzle-ish platformer. Most of the puzzles involve using weapons at your disposal to progress, and it’s interesting that the combat isn’t even a main focus. There’s enough different game mechanics and methods to use weapon so you won’t feel bored for an hour and a half or so. If I had to nitpick, though, I find the game structure a bit odd at times - for example, there’s a - let’s call it a chase scene - that would be good for a last few screens of the game, but the way the game actually ends feels a bit anticlimactic. It’s not hard, but can be tricky at times. Overall pretty good.
Backlog progress status: zen zen dame da UWWWOOOOOOOOOOO
Wew, it’s been just 4 days since the last report, and there’s a new one already. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THAT I’M
Report 11: On a roll
It’s a fantasy action pinball game with a plot. Yup.
It sounds like a bizarre idea, but somehow it works. It’s not that hard, but can get a bit frustrating at times. I’ve finished the campaign pretty easily except for a few parts.
The arena mode is where things get tricky and challenging. I’ve played it for some time, perfected one of the challenges, got a “bronze” for the most of them, but at some point I got too frustrated and left it at that. Arena mode seems hard, but not impossible, so, chances are, I’ll return to it one day to complete it.
Overall: pretty fun, fresh and interesting.
It’s a short and fairly easy puzzle game, partially abstract, partially minimalistic. There is some post-apocalyptic plot (though i’d call it lore, there’s not much of a story) going on, but it’s only hints, bits and pieces.
It was a pretty comfortable experience, although sometimes the mouse control was a bit clunky. The ending made me remember Kurbrick’s Space Odyssey.
The price is a bit too much for the game I’ve completed in 102 minutes, imo, but if it goes on sale or shows up in a bundle - I’d say go for it.
It’s an old-school point-&-click, just as hilarious as its predecessor, Ben There, Dan That! (at least, in my opinion). When I say old-school, I also mean that the puzzles are old-schoolishly nonsensical, which is made fun of by the game itself many times. Therefore, it can be hard as balls. Though there are many scripted jokes for most of the stuff you’ll try to interact with or combine with something, so you won’t get too frustrated just trying out random stuff - so many, in fact, it’s kinda admirable.
It’s a solid comedy-heavy game from simpler times. God I missed all the Hitler jokes.
Cosmic Ray 5,5/10
Yet another restricted game. Well damn.
Nothing much to say about this one. It’s extremely short, you’ll beat it in 15 minutes and complete it an hour or so. Feels like some sort of a mini-game for a bigger game.
It is mildly fun for what it’s worth - maybe it’s too mild, but it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome, and I’ve got it for free either way.
Backlog progress status: just a drop in the ocean
I know I’ve said no indies on my first BBT, but there’s nothing stopping me from breaking my own rules, right?
Report 10: Big Boys Time II: Going rural
It’s an indie game and I wouldn’t exactly call it big, but it sure as hell took a sweet chunk of my time. Pretty sure it doesn’t need any introduction whatsoever. It’s a Harvest Moon clone, and a pretty good one at that.
Pretty much every mechanic works as pleasantly as possible to soften the tediousness of your actions.
Although the game can be pretty tedious alright, if you go for the completion, like I did. The last 30 hours or so I’ve spent trying to complete the museum collection, and then getting 10.000.000 in total profits. I’ve pretty much had to abandon the farm altogether and straight-up go to bed first thing in the morning while I wait for my starfruit wine to age.
The social stuff was a bit hard too, especially since you’ll be able to contact some characters only in a very specific time slot at first - damn you, Sebastian.
Overall a really great game.
Backlog progress status: still hopeless
Welp, that Steam Grand Prix is one hell of a trainwreck. Oh well. Go pigs.
Report 9: Gone Girls
Steam replay. I can’t exactly forse myself call the first game “not as good” or, god forbid, “worse”, so let’s just say Portal 2 is just a bigger and juicier version of the original.
I’ll always have a soft spot for Wheatley’s humour, since GLaDOS’ snarky comments get old pretty quick, especially considering it’s the second game already.
Puzzles became more diverse, but it’s still fairly easy.
Too bad I’m missing on, like, a third (?) of a game because I don’t like co-op and don’t have anyone to play it with. Again, not that I want to.
Singleplayer though? What can I say, it’s a great game.
It’s a sequel to a pretty well-known (I guess?) Emily is Away. It was alright, although I’m not exactly a fan of “MC cops-out” way to disrupt your choices in storytelling. The sequel is not really a continuation, but more of a remake of sorts. Now you’re using the messenger with two available contacts - aforementioned Emily and a new girl, Evelyn. I can see why the script would need her to expand the scope a bit, but it’s pretty obvious most of the players would still refer to her as “not Emily” - I mean, who wouldn’t want to bring MC and Emily together after all the bittersweet and heartbreaking shit you experienced in the first one?
Thankfully, you can actually do it this time. I felt some weird mix of fullfillment and dissapointment at the same time during the ending - I was almost waiting for something bad to happen, and then it just didn’t. Turns out I was being honest enough. Huh.
The conversations were sometimes a bit too simplistic and shallow for my taste, to the point that it sounded unnatural. Especially the parts where you’re comforting the girls about something or commenting about the stuff they like, MC’s answers always sounded somewhat fake and disingenuous. I don’t know if it’s really a thing or I’m just being cynical and bitter.
The “nostalgia trip” part, consisting pretty much of musical references, was kinda awkward, due to abovementioned unimaginative approach - it just keeps shoving bands’ names that were popular at the time. I have to admit, that this game is way more elaborate than it’s predecessor, using the pre-made pages on their website to parody oldschool Youtube, Facebook, Steam and stuff, that was pretty fun actually.
Overall, there were some parts that didn’t felt geniune enough, but it was still pretty good. You feel your choices matter a lot more this time.
And I have no idea why this review is so long, I’ve just re-checked it and - holy shit I didn’t even notice was rambling so much about it
tl;dr: GODDAMNIT I’M LONELY
I don’t think Braid needs any introduction whatsoever. The vague plot, time manipulation puzzles, one of the first big indie titles (I think?).
This game screws with your brain HARD. I always had a hard time trying to recover IRL and stopping to think with porta… i mean, time manipulation. Game’s puzzles are actually ingenious most of the time. But maybe I’m just dumb. They were kinda hard sometimes. But, again, just dumb. Maybe. I ended up looking up the guides more times than I’d like to admit.
It looks gorgeous, it sounds great, and you’re crazy if you think I’ll do your speedrun achievement, Johnatan, thanks, but I’ve had enough.
It’s kinda weird to give it a lower score than I did with Emily is Away Too, but I just can’t help it. Even with all the level of detail, the lore and hidden stuff, the main plot feels just… normal? It’s not a bad plot at all, it just seems like nothing to write home about. I also have a problem with the way the plot is presented - storytelling through notes and environment is a hard thing to pull off, and Gone Home sometimes fails in it. You can find notes way ahead of the plot you already figured out in your head, therefore plotline loses impact without needed context. And, since notes-storytelling is all the storytelling you get, this game is filled to the brim with notes. Sometimes all these plot devices feel a little contrived - why is that note even here? - and all that stuff.
I was told this game is really pretentious. Not really. It’s pretty straightforward.
Well, I’m glad they embraced the meme and made an achievement for speedrunning the game (1min and 10min w/ all the notes).
I’ve beaten Steins;Gate: Linear Bounded Phenogram (~22h, 7.5/10) on my friend’s account (Yeah, thanks, I’m not buying Elite to get it). It was a pretty good spin-off that delves just a little deeper into the characters. Doesn’t bring anything really new to the table, but it’s still great to spend more time with your favourite characters. The story that was done by Kotaro Uchikoshi surprisingly turned out to be the worst one and a waste of time overall.
Have been playing Borderlands 2 solo for the most part last month. Still good.
Report 8: Still alive (no, really)
Steam replay. I guess it’s already a classic at this point. Still great and funny, but really short.
Done with all the six advanced maps, it was really nice to wrack your brains about something for a change, since, let’s face it, main game is pretty easy. That said, the challenges seemed like a pain in the ass (especially speedruns. hate’em. ugh.), and so did tuning all the radios and breaking all of the cameras, so I draw the line here. Might come back to complete it later.
Meh The Game. My main problem with it is that it’s not particularly interesting and it’s not particularly funny, combined with pretty weak puzzles, it’s just there. It makes me wonder why do we need this mobile port at all.
That fishing minigame can go eat a dick.
To get all of the achievements, you have to beat the game at least three times, which was a pain in the ass.
Well, the artstyle looked neat, I guess.
It’s a pretty subpar “roguelike” that kinda works, but it’s still pretty rough (not only around the edges, more like inherently rough) and it has minor gameplay mechanic flaws that soil the experience.
It was somewhat fun for a while and I definitely was more invested than I was with Little Briar Rose, but the latter felt far more competent on the technical level.
It’s an enchanced version of a word game by the same name. One of the main additions is Endless Mode, which is exactly what you’d expect and it’s not very interesting, actually. The game gets kinda repetitive if you aim for the achievements and all stars, since by the time you reach post-game, you’ll be powered up enough through upgrades so that nothing poses a real challenge for you. But it’s still a pretty good timekiller.
Report 7: Color me shocked, it’s about damn time
Do I really have to say that Steins; Gate is great? The story is great, all of the characters are well done and likeable (except for one minor antagonist near the end of the game, which was just too comically evil). Character designs are great, I honestly can’t fathom why would anyone go for the Elite version, which looks awful in comparison and pretty bad in general. You might as well just watch the anime at this point.
The phone trigger system really adds some life to the usual VN shticks, but will make your life hell if you try to 100%-complete the game without a guide (even if you do use a guide, there’s still some pain in the ass involved.) Same goes for going for a true ending, but it’s definitely worth it.
Before you ask - Kurisu.
It’s a really nice action-adventure game, really bright and colorful (I mean… duh). It looks like platformer and it involves platformes indeed, but the jumping is automatic, which feels really weird at frist, but the movement feels very fluid that way, even though you’re not fully controlling it. The plot is just like something you’re used to with fairytale-like setting like this. It’s not very long and it’s not difficult, but can be a little demanding if you’re trying to complete the achivements.
Overall it was a really nice experience - it’s nothing spectacular to write home about, but it’s good game to play leisurely for a couple of days or so.
Home is a simple horror adventure game which heavily relies on unreliable narrator trope (pun not intended, I swear). The game uses it so frequently that I don’t even know how to feel about the plot, since even if there are some obvious conclusions, it’s still pretty open for interpretation. There are a few sound jumpscares that were really dumb and unneeded, the game and its atmosphere were doing just fine on their own. The pixel art is kinda - too - low on details at times - most of the time you’ll never guess what you’re about to pick up until you read the text following your interaction with it.
It was pretty fun (as in “if you like depressing stuff”-fun) and it’s nice to see that the text narration that accompannies the game actually takes notice of some actions you did/didn’t.
5.5/10, 1 hour of playtime, 4 of 4 achievements (100%)
(This one isn’t showing up in the game list and restricted, which sucks)
Absurd horror-ish something by 98DEMAKE, the same guy who did September 1999, which was pretty cool. I really like this guy’s approach to horror stuff - he doesn’t resort to jumpscares and orthodoxal tactics to scare the player, but his games are eerie and unsettling anyway.
But man does that game fucks your eyes up.
But man are some levels too long.
It also could’ve used more substance. But it’s still pretty okay………normal (yes, thank you, i’ll be here all night).
Yay, I’ve finished Bioshock Remastered challenge rooms. “The ‘I’ in Team” was a neat little puzzle, “A shocking turn of events” was a good exercise for resource managing, and “Worlds of Hurt” can go fuck itself. Speedrunning it using crossbow abuse and changing the difficulty midway just barely got me below 15 minutes, I honestly don’t know how you’re supposed to do it on Medium the fair way. I mean, it’s certainly possible (I got 6 of 8 rooms by 10 minutes mark on my first try without trying to abuse the game, which surprised me), but man, I guess I just hate LONG speedruns (and I guess I just suck, feel free to point it out in the comments). I did speedruns for two previous challenges (3min, 4min) with no problems at all.
I’m also playing the first Risk of Rain game together with my friend. It’s really fun, and I do see why some people can say it’s not really the best to play it alone. Although the microscopic scale of everything took a while to get used to.
Report 6: The running dead and the broken glass
Welp, that was a pretty okay-ish finale of the long saga. The whole “eh, okay” feel to it was not really the script’s fault, it’s just when the thing drags for so long, you ought to feel burned out at some point, and these games just stop surprising you at all. I mean, I know that almost every decision I make will blow up in my face later in the worst way possible, what a shock, I know. Last episode was a somewhat predictable, yet a comforting note to finish on. It’s certainly better than just leaving it hanging because of the whole Telltale mess.
Clementine is still really likeable. The way AJ sees the world and processes your attempts at upbringing through the childish prism seemed annoyingly extreme and unnatural at first, but I got over it really fast, considering he just didn’t had a moral foundation that living in society provides. Most of the season cast was, sadly, kinda forgettable.
Louis > Violet. Dont @ me. I’m okay with m/m or f/f stuff if it’s well written and interesting. It’s not even the problem here: her romance plotline just felt really underwhelming and somewhat boring for me. Both romance options seem pretty forced and cheesy anyway, but if you’re spouting le epic funny jokes, you’ll get my vote anytime.
The addition of action sequences actually spiced things up a bit and the graphics were better, but it’s still a Telltale game through and through, with all its cons and pros. It’s better than New Frontier and Michonne and worse than the first two seasons. I’m sort of glad we could finally see “Telltale formula” getting put to rest before it became insufferable, and it was painfully close.
A pretty simplistic (but by no means an easy one) anime pixel zombie/demon shoot’em up. I wouldn’t call it exceptionally hard, because, first of all, you have slim chances - if not zero chances - of beating it if you’re not upgrading your characters. Which you’ll be doing a lot. A lot lot. I really wish this game wasn’t as grindy as it is - I’ve spent only 5 or so hours trying to actually beat the game, and spent the rest grinding money in survival mode. When you’re fully upgraded, the game is pretty challenging, but nothing mindboggling, it’s your typical bullethell. The last two levels can get pretty frustrating, but the bosses’ patterns are actually pretty easy, it’s getting to these bosses that can be hard. Enemies and especially bosses look really cool and menacing, the music is pretty good, the plot is pretty much in the who-cares-zone. It could’ve been a really fun little game and it sort of is, but man, the grinding was just obnoxious.
A nice twist on the runner genre with very simple resource management mechanics. Some parts may come off as tricky at first, but you get the hang of things pretty quickly. It has a pretty nice pixel art and the achievements are fairly easy to get, so the game doesn’t overstay it’s welcome (yes, I’m looking at you, Riddled Corpses). In fact, completing the “hard mode” achievements unlocks even if you get a game over. …Fine by me.
That was a nice puzzle game. There’s not much to say about it, since, well, there’s not much to discuss in the first place. No plot, just puzzles. Stained glass art looks cool, I guess.
It’s the 5th report, and that means indie and half-baked games are a total no-no.
Report 5: Big boys’ time I: Drill me daddy
Man, what a blast. I actually beat it for the first time. Thank god I chose the hardest difficulty and turned off the vita-chambers, I believe that’s the way this game supposed to be played. It’s not actually THAT hard, if you’re resourceful enough and explore the shit outta levels, and the whole ressurection mechanic felt pointless. I beat the game without using 90% of active plasmids and just sticking to the first one I’ve got (as I tend to do often in games).
Got the plot spoiled long ago, which sucks. It’s always like that - either you get spoiled early on, because everyone is playing it and discussing it, or you get spoiled late, since the internet assumes the game was out long enough for everyone interested to play it and doesn’t hold back with the spoilers. Which sucks.
The atmosphere and design are really awesome, although the novelty of it wore off pretty quickly. Thankfully, the gameplay and the exploration was still engaging enough to keep me going. It’s also not as horror-ish as I thought it would be.
I have a love-hate relationship with audiologs, and I think I kinda hate them here. Not only their very existence seems pretty far-fetched most of the time (why would you record this stuff? sometimes it sounds a bit too weird even for an audio-diary), considering the game’s nature of putting you in danger most of the time, you rarely find logs in a relatively safe spaces - there can always be some enemy lurking nearby, just waiting to attack if you make just one extra step their way, so most of the time I was really distracted by looking out for something that wants to kill me, rather than having my attention focused on the log’s content. For that reason, I barely followed all the lore and the side stuff, and I don’t like that at all.
Thankfully, the game didn’t crash a single time as it did with what seems like almost everyone, according to forums. FYI, as far as I know, whatever you do, don’t rebind the controls and you’re golden.
Now I’m having fun with the challenge rooms.
Report 4: Burning, killing, looking for milk
“Ok, it’s about damn time to continue the mainquest. Oh man, here’s the side quest continuation, I might as well do it since I’m around. Oh, I’ve stumbled upon a karaoke. Should I play so- FUCK YEAH I should play some karaoke minigame. I’m gonna beat that high score, you’ll see. Oh, it’s that dodging attacks minigame… is it me being dumb or it’s kinda hard? Oh, right, the mainquest. Oh boy, lost some health in a street brawl, gotta eat something. Oh yeah, you get bonus points for eating all the shit in all of the restaurants, I’ll just eat some dishes here so I’ll have less of a menu to go through next time. Oh, found a card-“
Yakuza 0. 13 hours in. Still on chapter 1. I’ll never finish this fucking game.
I’ve been postponing actually beating this game for a variety of reasons, and now I see I wasn’t completely wrong with my judgement. I could easily describe the whole game as “not as […] as Vice City”. It’s not as fun, not as player-friendly, not as polished, the music is not as good, the characters are not as interesting and entertaining. The “gang hate” aspect is straight-up cancer which ultimately makes your life so much harder if you actually try to 100% it. Oh, but that’s kinda pointless, since you get absolutely nothing. At least you get a lousy T-shirt in Vice City.
I have no idea why Claude’s aim is slightly off crosshair’s target, but it made the shootout sections of the game way harder than they already are.
It is by no means a bad game, but it seems kinda rough around the edges and I love Fernando Marti- I mean, Vice City so much more.
That was a nice timekiller puzzle game - it’s easy to learn, but it gets more complicated with each new level, and that game has a lot of them. In fact, I didn’t even tackle 1/3 of hard mode levels before I completed all of the achievements. I already felt sort of burned out at that moment, so I was satisfied with leaving it there.
The whole game is based around horror movie parody shtick and it’s not exceptionally funny most of the time, but it doesn’t try way too hard with it’s humour anyway.
I wish there was less grinding involved for getting some of the achievements, but I only have myself to blame for trying to get them all, I guess.
It’s a somewhat crappy russian Stanley Parable-like game(sorry, comrades). It is really inconsistent with its themes and tone; it falls flat when it tries to be funny, it’s too predictable and unoriginal with its commentary at times, and it’s too crammed with other things to be all sappy at the end all of a sudden, coming off as downright tone deaf. It had a few interesting moments, but the game is so all over the place and there’s just way too much weird (not in a good way) design choices crammed inside for no good reason at all. The game scenes themselves aren’t inherently bad, it’s the way they are put together is.
My biggest complaint is the maze puzzle, which adds nothing to the game whatsoever and could easily be cut, only making it slightly better.
Steam replay. Puzzle-ish something in the usual satirical spirit of Tomorrow Corporation. The burning mechanic is pretty satisfying. The game is full of weird yet simplistic humour, and that’s exactly the words that can be used to describe the game as a whole. It’s not that long, and I wish devs were commited to the idea of this game not wasting your time (although the game being pointless and time-wasting was the point, but still) and didn’t add that cooldown time when you’re trying to buy the same thing for the second time and made delivery times somewhat shorter. It just drags the overall quick and fun gameplay down.
If you let that slide (or simply won’t try to do any combo burning), it’s cute, funny and heartwarming.
You know what, I don’t feel like doing bimonthly reports. I’ll just write one as soon as I have enough things to say.
REPORT 3: Mostly artsy
First of all, I’ve completed the rest of achievements for Criminal Girls and Simulacra as I’ve set out to do in my previous post, which was pretty easy.
I’ve tried Simulacra: Pipe Dreams, but flappy bird clone-centered gameplay and the requirement of actually gitting gud in it to progress and earn achievements threw me off. I’ll get to it eventually, I guess, but not now.
(EP2: Requiem Aeternam Deo)
Okay, now that was the best entry in the series so far. The first episode’s structure felt like a weird one-off parallel world journey and Delirium was clearly filler, but the second one is where the story and characters really start to shine. The plot felt much more personal and started to take form and get just a tiny bit more coherent to really get the enjoyment out of it. The hand-drawn art is great and the world is super-imaginative.
I’ve yet to play the third episode, but I can already tell that if you like quirky RPGMaker games, these series is a must. You can play the first episode for free on Steam, it’s listed as a demo for Episode 2.
I’ve tried this one to see if it’s any better than The Lady by the same devs. Surprisingly, it was. This game is a sort of a physics (I’m using this term very loosely here) puzzle, where each puzzle takes place in only one room. It’s not difficult at all, although it does demand some abstract thinking of you. Thus, my biggest problem with The Lady - frustrating gameplay getting in the way of appreciating the game’s artistic merit - is gone now. I wouldn’t call the plot coherent (it’s not like it’s supposed to be), but it’s there. The art is nice. This game is also just right about it’s length and it didn’t bore me while it lasted.
If I had to choose something I didn’t like, I’d say the narrator’s voiceover could use some better recording quality and mixing, since I couldn’t make out what she was saying sometimes. Maybe it’s my crappy speakers though. Her lines also felt kinda pretentious and cheesy at the same time, but I’ll give it a pass.
Just a small Zelda clone with a pretty simple plot, puzzle-solving, monster-fighting. It’s too short for a player to fully take notice how bare-bones it is. This game could use some variety and have some more personality to it. But it’s pretty good if you want to kill some time by completing it (all of the achievements are pretty easy to get).
This is a very small game by the guy who made Stranded, a slow borefest which I hated with a passion. Murder is better than that, but not by a large margin.
It’s still essentially barely a game, but at least now it’s more like an interactive story that holds your hand all the way through instead of being a sluggish walking simulator pretending to be poin-and-‘click with the gameplay core being visiting points of interest randomly.
The art is actually pretty nice, but I wouldn’t say the same about the story. The plot manages to jump from being oversimplistic to being confusing, while kinda never going anywhere. Author is a promising artist, but he barely puts anything worthwhile in scriptwriting. “Tolerable” is a key word for this game, since despite it’s shortcomings, it’s still a game that literally points you to the things you’re supposed to click to move the story forward and only lasts for 15 minutes max.
Overall, it didn’t turn out to be a torturous experience like the previous game, but it’s still far from something I’d call good.