Since I just joined this nice website and saw how amazing it’s post tool is, I decided to share my most recent review, as that is something I’m very passionate about — reviewing. I will try and post here often, either new (and some of my older reviews) reviews or perhaps a screenshot or two. You never know. And I can’t wait to actually take this post tool for a spin and see what it can really do with my reviews. It’s gonna be amazing. So, without further ado, here is my cool review for Milli & Greg a fine precision platformer and a heck of a challenge to beat.

Imagine, if you will, a lovely lass, pure as the Niflheim snow. You are classmates and very close friends. A couple of awkward glances later, you become more than that. Then the big day arrives, and it's time to take it to the next level — it's time to become one. There is some foreplay, some string, and suddenly she turns on the lights. The sudden burst of light ravages your eyes, causing an uncomfortable photophobia episode. As your eyes slowly acclimate to the brightness, you see her. That ain't no maiden at the foot of your bed. That there is the finest dominatrix and manhole spelunker this side of the Pontar Valley. How you know that is not important, but her motto sure is, "Pain is mandatory." And you will welcome it — one way or another.

This is Milli & Greg.

An absolute chonker

The story boils down to cat ran away, now find him. And we don't need to concern ourselves with why a 16-year-old chonky cat ran away and how it made it past all the deadly gizmos. Probably some weird cat magic and stuff. But before moving on to the actual meat of the game, I want to quickly praise the occasional dialogue present in the game. It had that deadpan humour I enjoy, and grandma was full of wisdom. That is all.

I hope this sunset was worth it Greg, because you are grounded, mister!

And now, it's time for the pegg-, I mean, let's discuss the gameplay.

Sometimes being fast can be a positive

After I was explained how to press buttons, my cheeks were awarded a gift — a meaty welcome-slap courtesy of its first proper level. As I progressed, the slaps got meatier, with the cheeks redder. And with 1753 slaps received by the time I 100% the game, my buns were cinnabar red. Granted, it was all my fault — I couldn't resist gathering all the collectables and completing the two secret worlds. I'm just a tad bit masochistic and love me a good challenge. So, not being able to sit for a couple of months was a small price to pay for the pleasure I was given.

But what is the secret behind its marvellous spanking power? -Swiftness.

This is the main shtick you need to embrace. The game demands performing back-to-back actions quickly with precision and immaculate timing to avoid the many environmental hazards, or Milli goes boom, literally. Yeah… I don't know why that's her death animation, but we move.

And the bane of my buns was the wall-slide and dash duo. Dash almost exclusively comes at the end of your wall-slide adventure, and it is here that the swiftness I spoke of comes into play. You have to move your finger from one movement key to another. And you might sit there and think, "Ok, this doesn't seem that tough. What you on about Slav-moustache-man?"

Oh, my sweet summer child.

The devs made sure there was a catch. If you let go of the movement key that is making you wall-slide, you immediately enter free fall and race to the ground like a giant bag of bricks at the speed of light. And letting go of the movement key is a must. Otherwise, you can't use the other movement keys to aim your dash towards any cardinal or intercardinal direction opposite the direction of the movement key you are holding to wall-slide.

Here is a rough summation of what all my blabbering refers to:

• To wall-slide you must hold the left/right movement key corresponding to the placement of the wall on the screen (left/right)
• Once the bottom of the wall is near, it's time to go fast and execute a dash
• Let go of the left/right movement key while immediately pressing the dash button and aiming your dash towards safety (which is in the opposite direction of the movement key you just let go of)
• Profit/Boom

You are chonky and all, Greg, but, at this point, I'm just gonna get a new cat.

So, apart from some precise and expertly timed jumps, you mostly be trying to perform the dash correctly. And this is where the actual challenge of being swift originates. If you aren't quick when switching between the two actions, you go boom.

Also, you have only one chance to execute your perfect dash. After your first and only dash attempt, you must recharge it by having Milli touch grass (the ground). Add to this that levels are usually cluttered from head to toe with pointy things, and thus any miscalculation on your part, a dash performed too soon or too late, a jump too high or too low, all end with a glorious explosion.

Now, one thing that took some adjusting to was the slide gimmick. This is thanks to the game's weird physics shenanigans, which adds extra momentum to Milli's movement, making her perform a short slide if you stop mid-run. Personally, I am not a fan, as it usually ended with me sliding into the pointy things DMs and exploding.

Speaking of pointy things, I must applaud the game's superb level design. It's simply amazing. 150 levels, evenly spread across 5 unique worlds, without a trace of that oh-so-familiar lazy copy-paste stench. Instead, every level is handcrafted with lots of care put into creating something challenging but also visually appealing and unique. While many environmental hazards repeat, their layout makes each level feel fresh, giving off that new book smell.

And sure, some levels are cluttered due to how many traps the devs decided to throw at you. Frankly a wet dream for any trap hoarder out there. But being stuffed to the brim and offering little space to manoeuvre can also be good. Now the game's precision challenge is elevated even further, with each move, slide, jump, and thrust having to be executed with pixel-perfect accuracy and timing. So, the masochistic among you will relish playing these levels. I know I did.

How many pointy things do you want? Milli & Greg Devs: Yes

There is one weird thing — level difficulty isn't tied to progression. Instead, each does its own thing. Some can be easy, some stupid hard. This is all related to how the level sets up the layout, which is always unique, and thus may be more forgiving of your mistakes than a previous one, despite it perhaps being the last level of the world.

And I already praised the level variety enough, but its partner in crime, the audio, is just okayish. Besides the chiptunes music tracks, which you'll either enjoy or loathe, and the boom sound on death, there isn't much to judge. Wish the cat would meow from time to time while it waits for you at the finish line. 'Tis your typical adorable pixel graphics and 8-bit music combo. Nothing special. Greg does look like a cat, so that's nice. However, you can't pet him?! Devs, please, fix this!

So yeah, that's Milli & Greg — a trap. I saw the cuddly cover and thought, "Why not? I'm in the mood for something chill today." Instead, I received an unexpected backdoor knock, which stunned my nervous system. But after loosening up a bit, the feeling in my palms came back, and I was able to help Milli avoid all the traps and save the absolute unit that is Greg.

If you enjoy this review, come and read more wisdom from the Gospel of Sv. Prolivije.