Progress report: December ‘23 (a.k.a. Only Better From Here On Out!)
2023 has been a wild year. Between being in a relationship with a guy who was a terrible match for me and the absolutely shitty process of getting my degree, I feel like something has irrevocably altered the chemistry in my brain. Now, I’m back to being single and a girl I wanted so badly to think of as my best friend decided to show me, once and for all, how dumb that idea was. I waited the last of the year out, but as 2024 rolled in, I decided that I want to do better. I want to show the friends I do have that I care about them, I want to find a job that makes me happy, I want to pick up a new hobby… I want to stop being so negative about life and surrounding myself with people who do nothing but complain. One thing that’s been helping already (perhaps a bit too much) is my new hyperfixation. (Here’s where I say “I’m on the spectrum”, so nobody freaks out over how that sounds.)
And, oh yeah, here’s what I got done this month:
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100 hidden birds 2
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4 Seasons Girls
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Heart's Medicine - Season One
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How Buddy’s parents met - jigsaw puzzle
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Nightmares from the Deep 3: Davy Jones
100 hidden birds 2 - Oddly enough, I kept getting distracted by the presence of other animals. …I really have played too many of these games, haven’t I?
4 Seasons Girls - This one’s about a bunch of girls who are either just undressing in a public place or doing that and also possibly freezing their very nude bodies off. I think I’m gonna stop buying these, they’re all too same-y.
Heart’s Medicine - Season One - I originally picked up the sequel, Time to Heal, after seeing a video of it… and didn’t realize it wasn’t the first game in the series. Oops! Even though it’s been so long since then (like… two more years than I initially thought), I’m glad I got to fill in the blanks. It’s also rather easy to tell that it’s a mobile game port, but that doesn’t bother me personally. I’ve got another game from these devs waiting in my backlog, so I’m excited to play it soon (as well as all of their other games! They all look so cool!)
How Buddy’s Parents Met - This one also turned out surprisingly long, much like Alice in Wonderland, although the 60 piece size wasn’t available and the option to highlight a quarter of the puzzle definitely helped me cut down on the playtime. The art for this one was done by the same artist and I still think it’s adorable. Funnily enough, while I was playing, the game received an update that added trading cards and a bonus scene as a thanks to the players and to celebrate its fourth anniversary. I still have a bunch of jigsaw games to get through, so I’ll be downloading the next one now!
Nightmares from the Deep 3: Davy Jones - In the third and final Nightmares from the Deep, it’s time for your daughter to get captured! It’s been so long since I played the previous games, I was about to say she’s doing it again, but nope, that was all you! (I really need to push myself to complete game series faster.) If you’ve played an Artifex Mundi HOG, you may as well have played them all (not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just increasingly difficult to say something new about each one). The theme of this one is rather far from being up my alley. It’s also one of the games that has an achievement for completing the story on Expert mode, which I never do on my first playthrough; time will tell if I get to it by the end of the month. (EDIT: I didn’t… oops!)
See you next month year! I hope you had a good 2023, and if not, I wish you a better 2024! :)
Oh what a rough year in top of the other things we talked about. Its so great you decided with positive things each day. And I can see you picked lots of games that I play too :D
Last note..you are on the spectrum? Then it makes even more sence some of the things we discussed ^^
Hi, Jeko! Yeah, it absolutely sucked :< I still don’t know how I would describe the way(s?) I felt back then; somehow I just knew I wasn’t really myself. (Really, the one thing I kept thinking/saying was “I don’t think I’m the same anymore”.) My game picks for the month were mostly random, as usual, though I’m looking forward to playing more GameHouse stuff in the future!
And yeah, I am! I’m of the “high-functioning” variety, so to speak, and along with the decision to take some time to work on getting to know myself, I want to learn more about the spectrum, because I largely feel like I’m an outsider to the community (being “high-functioning” means I don’t feel disabled until someone reminds me that I am… let’s just say my ex would remind me very often) and I don’t want that anymore. I want to get to know what ASD means for me and how I am to navigate potential new relationships without burning myself like I just have twice last year.
Then it makes even more sence some of the things we discussed ^^
Oh? How come?
I have HF ASD too (when I recieved my diagnose it was called aspergers) so I think a lot of what you wrote spoke to me, I can see myself and the other people I know, in a lot of your writing about feelings, finding yourself, feeling left out etc. If you ever feel like you want to talk/write more about it, you are more than welcome to add me on steam (you are also welcome to do so if you do not want to talk about it) :)
Oh hey, yeah! I was told I have Asperger’s, too! (I’m guessing Poland missed the memo on the fact that it’s no longer a “correct”/”possible” diagnosis since 2013; I was diagnosed about 6, 7 years ago.) And sure, I feel like we talked enough to become Steam friends now, haha :)
Tbh I still like that they somewhat still put people under diagnosis like this, because the different from aspect to aspect are soooo different (I went to a club with more than 80+ other people on the spectrum, and the difference was so clear) I was diagnosed in 2012. Sounds good :D
I agree, I haven’t really had much experience with people on the spectrum (besides one of my cousins, but the age gap between us is pretty big and I’m not comfortable around children, so I never really played with him or anything like that), unless proven otherwise (both my exes sometimes acted in ways I recognised from experience, which made me want to think they’re on the spectrum, just undiagnosed), but just listening to others’ experiences (either from knowing other people on the spectrum or recognising good/bad portrayal of autism in media) makes me realize there is still so much I don’t know about the spectrum. Now, I know that I want to learn more about it all, instead of acting/feeling like I’ve been forced into a fandom that makes me label myself as its member even though I don’t really care about it. (That’s about the best comparison I’ve come up with recently.)
Poland is very much behind with stuff like this. I guess it’s because we fell way behind while our country was under Soviet control and now we’re still trying to catch up. I myself was sent to a psychiatrist when I was still in primary school around 15-16 years ago and all they told me is that they suspected I had Aspergers, with no formal diagnosis. So they left me and my parents to deal with it all by ourselves. I went to a psychologist several times last year and they also confirmed their suspicions. What makes this worse is that the Polish healthcare system assumes that anyone that has autism gets diagnosed while still being a kid, so it’s much harder to get diagnosed as an adult.
What makes this worse is that the Polish healthcare system assumes that anyone that has autism gets diagnosed while still being a kid, so it’s much harder to get diagnosed as an adult.
That’s interesting! I don’t know if anyone I talked to on the way to getting diagnosed ever said that. I realized that I might need to get diagnosed back in high school, because my grades suddenly started slipping and I was having trouble bringing them back up. I talked to three different people in total, and on the way, I learned that my mom was actually told I might be an aspie back when I was in grade school and realized just how much social development I owe to her (who knew it wouldn’t be that easy to practice empathy otherwise?) I’m also grateful for my high school counselor, because even though it took some work to get other people to give us space, we’ve had some good times together.
Oh, and here’s a fun fact: if you were to read my diagnosis, you’d see that at some point, whoever put it together got my gender wrong. It’s nice to know their supposedly genuine outlook on what I’m like was essentially copy-pasted from someone else’s papers :)
That’s interesting! I don’t know if anyone I talked to on the way to getting diagnosed ever said that. I realized that I might need to get diagnosed back in high school, because my grades suddenly started slipping and I was having trouble bringing them back up. I talked to three different people in total, and on the way, I learned that my mom was actually told I might be an aspie back when I was in grade school and realized just how much social development I owe to her (who knew it wouldn’t be that easy to practice empathy otherwise?) I’m also grateful for my high school counselor, because even though it took some work to get other people to give us space, we’ve had some good times together.
Good thing you managed to get diagnosed before finishing school, you dodged quite a bullet there. Sadly I couldn’t say the same about my parents… even though they were told that I might have Aspergers, they haven’t really done much about it, they just treated me like any other kid even though I was clearly struggling socially and now this carried over into adulthood. I’m slowly making progress to get better at it by myself, but it’s hard.
Oh, and here’s a fun fact: if you were to read my diagnosis, you’d see that at some point, whoever put it together got my gender wrong. It’s nice to know their supposedly genuine outlook on what I’m like was essentially copy-pasted from someone else’s papers :)
Welp that’s Polish healthcare for you :)
Good thing you managed to get diagnosed before finishing school, you dodged quite a bullet there. Sadly I couldn’t say the same about my parents… even though they were told that I might have Aspergers, they haven’t really done much about it, they just treated me like any other kid even though I was clearly struggling socially and now this carried over into adulthood. I’m slowly making progress to get better at it by myself, but it’s hard.
Thing is, my mom is a psychologist, so she’s generally more open to discussing mental issues and I have to keep reminding myself not to take that for granted! I’d like to believe that also worked in favor of making me more open-minded and empathetic, but it’s an eternal learning process and nobody can be perfect all of the time. I wish I had some universal advice to give you here, but everyone’s experience is different, so… maybe just don’t put up with people who don’t respect your needs, like I have been just recently.
Good riddance to that dude and that friend, all the best for 2024! At least we’ve always got games ;-)
Heck yeah! Same to you too, Fran! (Can I call you that?) All my games are all mine now! Mwahaha :D I think an aspect of self-care for me is also in looking through my library, particularly at games in the “won’t play” pile or ones I’m otherwise uncertain about and just removing them from my library. Don’t wanna spend any more time in the future arguing with someone over my tastes in games or begging them to get the last achievements for me - got stuff to do, got places to be! :v:
You can absolutely call me Fran! <3 cleaning out your game library can be very cathartic
Yay! It really is! I’ve still got a long way to go, but I know I’ll get there eventually ^^
Nice progress! I’m sorry to hear about what happened last year :( It’s great that you made a plan for what you’d like to improve in 2024, though. I hope it will work out well for you :) What’s your new hyperfixation?
Thank you! :) I actually wanted to get this post out so much, I forgot to mention that I’ve had the idea for a separate gaming project I wanted to do here; no idea if it’s going to happen now, though (unless I get out of the mindset of forcing myself into pointless deadlines).
It’s the idea of Bo Burnham (and just about anything he worked on)! I first watched all of his Netflix specials shortly after Inside came out and decided, “this guy’s pretty damn funny and really skilled, too!” After The Outtakes came out, I would listen to the soundtrack more often than I can now imagine I had, probably. Fast forward to December, I got the impulse to watch a movie he starred in… and something just clicked! Funny how that happens :D
Oh that sounds exciting, what is that project about?
I can relate to pointless deadlines, I was supposed to make an update to BLAEO+ in the first week of January… and look what date is it now xD I’ll have to cutdown on those deadlines, I can hardly ever meet them.
I haven’t heard of him before, but I listened to his “Welcome to the Internet” song just now and it was amazing! I’ll have to check out his works some more, it’s just so good :D
I think the idea might have first formed while I was watching video essays about nostalgic games and virtual worlds (most of which I probably haven’t played, but they’re cool all the same); I considered the notion that “girl games are bad” and went “okay, but why? i don’t think i can confidently say that from my own experience”, and then I tried to compile a list of “girl games” to try and play, starting this year. After considering games tied to popular girly IPs (Barbie, Bratz, Monster High, etc.) and Japanese otome games, it’s hard to pinpoint what else is a “girl game”, exactly. Looking out for pink covers and typically feminine themes such as childcare or fashion is one thing (every once in a blue moon, you get outliers such as the Nancy Drew series, I’m especially looking forward to checking those out), but then there’s the much more ambiguous stuff - time management games and HOGs with female protagonists, Western otome games (not all of them, but some are seeking to expand on the concept by featuring LGBTQ+ characters), boys’ love and girls’ love games… it’s a lot to sift through and I’m sure people would challenge me on why I consider so-and-so a “girl game” every once in a while. That being said, I’m not yet done compiling my list and I’ve already got a lot more games than I could reasonably play, so there should be enough freedom to pick and choose as I go. I’m also hoping to try and write more about each and every single game than I do for the ones in my regular posts, considering it’s a whole separate thing. We’ll see how it goes!
Ironically enough, “Welcome to the Internet” makes me want to quit Internet altogether :D I have to keep reminding myself that Bo is advocating for responsible use, not vehement rejection. I don’t know if you use Netflix or not, but I’m surprised you haven’t heard about him! (Maybe you don’t, and that’s why, haha.) His oldest songs may be a hard sell, but everything from “what.” to “Inside: The Outtakes” is worth watching, IMO. (Just a bit of a warning for “‘gay’ as an insult”-type jokes; relatively amusing considering what it was like to be online 10 years ago, but in retrospect, they might be a little much.)
That’s a great idea! It’s too bad that the ‘girl game’ term isn’t uniform. Even the Wikipedia page for it is surprisingly short and just says its just a game made for girls. And not all creators share info about the primary audience they target. I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts if you do go forward with your project.
Yeah, it shows how messed up Internet is in some parts… but at least there’s also a lot of nice and cozy places, like BLAEO for example :D
I don’t have Netflix so that would explain it xD
Thanks for the recommendations, I’ll check them out :)
Oh yeah, I just looked up the Wikipedia page and it’s criminal how short it is. I think this is also an unexplored interest of mine from back when I decided to talk about otome games for a uni project; one of my sources was this great thesis that mainly focused on otome, but also had a chapter dedicated to the history of girl games in the US and how that market absolutely flopped. I feel like it’s easy to say that something is “a girl game” just because it has a higher female playerbase (like casual games that aren’t explicitly gendered) or that “girl games bad” without even having tried them and I don’t want to contribute to that narrative. So yeah, I’m looking forward to getting my real life in order to get started on this!
Yep! We might have close to 2000 users (what?!), but between the site being blocked off to outsiders and the multiple steps you could take to filter out the inactive and the uninterested, you’d be left with a few dozen people who let their posts show up in the feed and are interested in commenting on other people’s posts and chatting with them… so I’ll say I feel pretty safe over here, even if someone does think that I’m oversharing. Sometimes I imagine someone trying to do a video exploring what I’m like and the thought of them not being able to access BLAEO makes me feel safe ^^
One of the good things of being Bo’s fan is learning that he’s been open about his stance on sailing the high seas (something along the lines of “if you can’t access it legally, then by all means, i have way too much money already”). But yeah, “what.” and “Inside: The Outtakes” are up on his YouTube channel. Do tell me what you thought after watching :)
Oh wow, I didn’t know we had this many members in total :O
Yeah, you’re correct, even though we have so many members, there’s just a small bunch that do make posts and comment on others. I really do like small places like this, it feels like everyone has similar interests, something that isn’t present in really large groups.
Sure thing, will let you know :)
Me neither! But I felt compelled to check. To me, BLAEO is like a virtual equivalent of a con - you walk through the door and the knowledge that everyone is here precisely because they love the same thing you do immediately makes you feel seen. (Except, y’know, BLAEO is online, which nullifies all the anxiety related to approaching people.) That being said, I’ve only ever been to one con on two different years, so maybe not all of them have the same kind of feel :’)
<3