Fnord

Sometimes you find a game that defies all reason.
I gave the old Wisdom Tree games a try. They came in a bundle a while back, and I was curious (plus I randomized what game to play next, and one of the games from that collection came up).

The standout game in this collection is Spiritual Warfare, a game where a kid is in a park and needs to convert evil people to the true faith by throwing fruit at them. These evil people includes:
People running around with huge kitchen knives who want to stab children (these can be saved if you throw fruit at them)
People with wooden clubs, who want to clobber children to death (these can be saved if you throw fruit at them)
People who run around bushes (these can be saved if you throw fruit at them)
People who ride bicycles (these are beyond salvation and are so utterly evil that their eternal souls can not be saved and if you throw fruit at them a devil will show up and try to murder you!)

This game played like a bad Zelda 1 clone with annoying music and bible questions. As a non-Christian I could not help but feel like the “right” answers for these bible questions were the bad answers, basically boiling down to “Don’t think, believe in god” “Don’t worry about doing good deeds, believe in god” and other such things. The right answer was always blind faith, never good work.

I did not stick with this game. It was just awful.

The other games in the collection includes a game where you stacked animals to put them in the ark. This game was kind of broken, as far as I could tell. And two bad boulder dash clones. Because for some reason Boulder Dash is a good representation for Christianity.. or something.

devonrv

and I was curious

Well, at least you’ve learned a valuable lesson: if you’re curious, look up a review instead of buying a bundle. ☺ I learned about these from the AVGN video, and it was enough to make me not even bother emulating them.

P.S. Does the bundle include Bible Buffet? (that one game where you need the instruction manual to know what the questions even are in the first place)

Don’t worry about doing good deeds

Wait, can you go into more detail on that question? I feel like “don’t do good deeds” might just go against everything Christianity stands for.

Fnord

There are multi-choice questions. “Person X said that in order to reach haven all you need is __
A: Faith
B: to do good work
C: Nothing

There were plenty of these, where one of the options was to go good work/good deeds, and yet the answer was always to have faith. Have faith and you’ll be rewarded, nothing else matters.

There are people within all religions, Christianity is no exception, that have that kind of belief. It’s not who you are and what you do that’s important, just your faith, and if you don’t have their exact faith you’ll suffer eternal punishment for it.

Oh, and just going by reviews is no fun :P There were other games in that bundle that I was interested in trying anyway.

UlverHausu

Oh…You should try Noah’s ark 3d
That RNG damage calculator puts Wolfenstein 3D to shame.
You cant see projectiles, and tracking is unfair.
The animals are already on board, you just need to put a few goats and sheep to sleep. Nevermind accuracy

Fnord

I have tried Noah’s Ark 3D. It’s not awful. It’s not good, mind you, but it’s still Wolfenstein 3D! You can’t see projectiles in Wolf3D either, it’s mostly just hitscan enemies in that game. The biggest culprit is the overly punishing level design that far too often basically puts you in a position where you’ll not be able to move around a corner or something before the enemy can shoot. So it’s not a good game, but compared to the ones I just played it’s a masterpiece!

robilar5500

Thanks for the warning. I have no respect for Occidental religions and even less for blind faith. Easy skip for me.

RikkiUW

My faith in humanity decreases by the day, which is interesting because I didn’t think I had any to begin with.

Lucky Thirteen

People who ride bicycles are the worst! :D

Ylthin

Wow, that seems to be the kind of game I would stay away from ._.

s17tabris

Well, the games have a Christianity theme so the accompanying BS is kinda expected.

For the record, I’m not religious.

Fnord

You could probably make something far better than this based on Christian themes if you really put your mind to it. But these devs were not really interested in making good games, they were just interested in making propaganda.

s17tabris

I guess more moderate Christians could have made a better game, i.e., more subtle and less BS, but it seems to me that the devs here are of the flavor of Christianity which I’m more familiar with… their main objective is to spread their BS propaganda. The fact that they are helping others (or in this case, making video games) is incidental, or just a means for spreading propaganda.

Fnord

Yeah, and such things do exist, they’re just not quite as obvious about it. Adam’s Venture is an example of one.

ellie02

The other games in the collection includes a game where you stacked animals to put them in the ark.

Heh. Is it weird I kinda want to try this? Maybe even for just 5 minutes?

Interesting post by the way. Made me chuckle at times, and until you brought this up, I never knew such games existed. I googled it just now

Fnord

There are actually quite a few Christian themed games that got commercial releases out there. Some are quite subtle about it, like the Adam’s Venture series (at least the first one, it’s the only one I’ve played). That series is not very on the nose about it though. Then we have the more extreme other end with games like Catechumen, which are very aggressive about it (Catechumen is an FPS where you violently convert Romans to Christianity by using a holy sword. It sounds more fun than it really is….). And then we have the games like the ones I just played which are just pale copies of other, better games, with bible quizzes thrown in for good measure. Wisdom Tree, the developer of the games I just played, usually made games like that.

The animal stacking game is really just a bad platformer where you carry animals. Here’s a video of it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8O_NrJENPfg

ellie02

Catechumen is an FPS where you violently convert Romans to Christianity by using a holy sword. It sounds more fun than it really is….

Welp, I learned more new things today. Anyone really can make a game out of anything, about anything. Thank you by the way for sharing the link to that video, I didn’t expect to laugh or smile at all, but I did while watching it. The sound effects, pixel art, animations and just the silliness of it all is even cute